Showing posts with label raising boys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label raising boys. Show all posts

09 April 2014

Homeschooling CJ - The End of A Season

He was only 3 or 4 years old when his Dad suggested we homeschool him. I thought he was out of his mind! Why would any parent in his/her right mind even consider homeschooling? I’m not a qualified teacher, although it was my first choice of occupation, but I was convinced I would mess up my child’s life forever! History now proved that I didn’t mess up his life although the general public, family and friends, may still believe I did.


When CJ was 5 years old Christo and I attended a Walk Thru the Bible conference. By the end of the first day, I had breakfast, lunch and supper with 3 total different parents who homeschool their children… this was weird! We talk about the year 1999. During that time there were only a few hundred homeschooling families in South Africa. What were the chances to meet 3 families - total strangers who homeschool their children, at a “Non-homeschooling conference”?

That evening, while quietly reflecting on the day, in a dormitory with 3 other couples, I had to confess to Christo, and God, I’m NOT at the conference to receive training in presenting the Walk Thru the New Testament Seminar for Children… No, I was here so the Lord could get my attention about Homeschooling…

Four months later, while I was past my due date with Baby Josua, CJ decided he was not going back to his Preschool. He needed to check on his mother when she was going into labour and after all, he was going to be homeschooled, why bother going back to a classroom, and missing out on real life!

As the saying goes: “The rest is history.” The week his brother Josua was born, we started homeschooling…. The first week was awesome. I would nurse baby Josua to sleep, while CJ was doing simple maths and then we would gather on the sofa, reading books. I could do it…

The “homeschool-honeymoon” was over within weeks. Baby Josua became more attentive and demanding, Heidi-Mari (only 3years old) needed stimulation too and I didn’t know how to do this homeschooling thing.  

It was during that time that Martie du Plessis, from Dynamis and her, then 13year old daughter Chamonix, visited Cape Town and the Lord miraculously worked behind the scenes that they stayed with us for a few days, before visiting the Southern Suburbs of Cape Town. What I learned about my child and myself during those few days was amazing and we were more on track with homeschooling. 

The next year brought a heap of challenges. We moved into a small two bedroom house, the garage our storeroom, as well as homeschool room. There was no money for resources, I was isolated and very insecure. It was the year 2000, and I haven’t heard of the internet, let alone google or supporting homeschool Facebook groups…

Over the next decade our family grew from 5 to 10 and we moved another two times.



My life was dominated with pregnancies and nursing babies. Not an easy task for someone who didn’t plan this kind of life for as long as she could remember. Never in my life had I imagined having a larger family and homeschool them.  My extended family didn’t approve either and I was all by myself. 

Over the years there was a pattern of ups and downs, success and failures, victory and disappointments. By God’s grace, as my children grew up, I grew up too. There were countless sleepless nights and chaotic days filled with exhaustion, insecurity and doubt in my ability to make homeschooling work.  BUT there were also the times when the Lord encouraged me and graciously gave me a peep into the future. The future He was busy bringing together. Often I would fall in a pitt of despair, fearing that I was messing up my children’s lives.  Each and every time my dear husband would observe and speak words of peace and confidence, “Everything is going fine; they will be fine.”

There were the times when CJ won the World Wide Apologia Science Question of the Week Competition (twice) at the age of 14. Another when he started to do horse riding stunts for movies at the age of 16. All of these brought into his life by God’s invention.





As you can imagine many homeschooling curriculums came and had gone over the past 14 years, as homeschooling was becoming more popular. It became quite a maize to decide which curriculum is the ‘best’. It was necessary to be focused; to have a philosophy; to measure the homeschooling currents accordingly and make decisions that would correspond with and support  our goals in raising our Children. For us, homeschooling was a learning lifestyle, based on gaining life skills and searching for the calling on each child’s life.  Everything else was secondary to this one goal: to guide each child in finding their God-given dream, their purpose in life, and allowing God to show the way to fulfil that purpose.

Not much changed over the 14 years we homeschooled CJ. He was our visual learner, and the way we started out homeschooling him in 2000, was the way we homeschooled till the end.








As CJ grew older we were bombarded with questions about high school and what we were going to do for matric - THAT piece of paper you need, to move on to the next level of education.  When CJ was 13 years old we earnestly prayed about his future and whether we should pursue a more formal education to receive a matric qualification. Surprisingly the Lord was clear. It was not his will for CJ’s life to change his way of learning up to that point. We gladly accepted the Lord’s guidance and CJ continued with Maths-U-See, LLATL and Science, while participating in real life. 

Often his studies would be interrupted by periods of being on set for a movie;



Helping out in Dad’s health shop; pursuing a new interest like archery 





or just supporting his larger family in every day life, days of bad health, or the arrival of a new baby.







CJ gradually came to find his purpose and his future was taking shape. Then at the age of 17 we went through a time of doubt and we considered doing Cambridge. All possibilities was taken in account, but just a few months later, we strongly experienced the Lord calling it off. Again we gladly  submitted to the Lord’s will and just went on doing what we were used to. Waiting on the Lord’s next step.

This continued until CJ turned 19 years old in August 2013. He was still working on Algebra 2 and Pre Calculus, Apologia’s Physics and Gold LLATL, but I could sense in CJ a restlessness and lack in motivation. Christo and my prayers became more intense. “Please Lord, show the way, open the doors. CJ needs to move on now.” It was December 2013, when one evening, I went to my son and asked him, “If money was no option, what would you do with your life in 2014?” Without hesitation he answered, “I will start my Private Pilot License!”  CJ wanted to be a pilot, but for some reason he held back to pursue his dream.  He needed something to push him into the right direction.

Only days after that evening, somewhere between Christmas and New year I woke up with an intense knowing CJ must do GED. Oh, I was following the GED Yahoo groups and some friends’ children was doing it, but why in the world would we consider it? But that morning I woke up with another perspective, why not? As I was pondering the possibility, one thing was clear, I would NOT push my son in doing GED. I will give him the option and all my support, but it would be his decision. That morning at the breakfast table I brought up the subject and asked him if he would consider doing it. To my biggest surprise, his face lit up and without thinking twice he decided to do it!

Instantaneous CJ’s mood and attitude changed! There was new spark in his eyes, he was focused. It was almost like he waited for this all his life and he couldn’t wait to make it happen. 

January 2014 we registered with GED testing services and enrolled in the GED online tutoring. I also downloaded a Free Master the GED pdf file of more than 880 pages. I foresaw him doing the test the end of 2014, giving the year to prepare.  CJ was more adventurous and wanted to write the exam middle 2014. He started the second week of January, beginning with the Diagnostic tests in Master the GED. To our surprise CJ scored over 80% in Maths, and Science, 70% in English writing and reading, but just passed the Social Study section.  

CJ was motivated and excited! He now wanted to write in April. I outwardly approved, not wanting to discourage him, but seriously, he needed to be realistic and give himself enough time to prepare… 

During January and the first two weeks of February, CJ diligently worked a few hours a week on his GED, while continuing with his LLATL, Apologia and Maths-U-See. Then on the 10th of February I got a message from a friend, “Did you hear? The GED test facility in Cape Town is closing down permanently on the 21st of March?” It was such a shock, I first went into denial. For a few hours I just refused to think about it, to investigate or think about the implications… By the time I went to bed, I was in a panic. I couldn’t breathe and I was calling out to God, “What were we going to do!?” 

The next morning we faced the facts. CJ could still write the exams in Johannesburg, whenever he feels ready. Johannesburg is 1,500 km from here, we could book into a hotel for a week and write the 5 papers over 5 days, and it would cost us quite a few thousand rands! Or, we could bring forward his exams, write it in Cape Town before the 21st of March, giving us less than a month for final preparations, and see how it goes.  The latter option where the logical decision, after all we couldn’t lose anything, except the $50 for each paper, should he fail!

I was in total confusion! Dear Lord, why is this happening now? Why this pressure? But then, the name of my year is Soul Rest, the Lord knows how I’m prone to delay things under the excuse of perfecting it. Was this just yet another way the Lord is directing CJ’s steps, in spite of the human failures of his Mother? I knew the Lord was up to something big, but oh, my sinful nature threatened to overwhelmed me. 

For the next 2 and a half weeks CJ studied 5hours plus a day on the five subjects - Maths, Science, Language reading, Language writing and Social Studies. I will lie if I said it was smooth sailing. It was an extreme testing time for me. CJ was focused and enjoyed his learning; I was stressed and panicking. GED is a general knowledge exam. It fits perfectly in our philosophy of homeschooling, it sure would give an exact picture of what we did over the past 14 years and if our approach had worked.  

By the 1st of March I was a wreck, but CJ was confident he could do it. Dad took over from here, and would accompany CJ with every paper, driving him two hours in rush hour traffic and wait for him while he wrote the exams. By now I realised I couldn’t do this on my own. I frantically memorised scripture, wrote them on the walls and gathered an amazing group of Prayer Warrior Lady Friends to pray with me. 

His first paper was Language Reading and I almost lost it when I got the message he passed on the 86 percentile. I went down on my knees and could only praise the Lord over and over again. In spite all my stress, so much so that I became ill for 24hours on one of the days he wrote, the results came in one by one, with scores in the 96 and 98 percentiles for Science and Maths. The final subject was Social Studies. Though I thought by now I would get the message, the Lord is in control, He is doing a mighty work, it has nothing to do with me, I was more than nervous! 

There are no words to explain the relief, joy and praises when CJ passed Social Studies in the 90th percentile too. It was over and done!  CJ was officially finished with his homeschooling era and a new season was waiting on him! 

The Lord called us to homeschool him 14 years ago. We obediently did it, in total ignorance, full of doubt and fears, so much aware of our incompetence to make a success of it in ourselves. And this is the beauty of it all to me… This was God’s will for CJ’s life. It was the training CJ needed. It didn’t make sense in our human minds and I can now testify that most of the things CJ learned over the years, the Lord taught to him in his sleep - since that was what I prayed all the months I was exhausted from pregnancy or taking care of babies. 

The results of his GED exam too wasn’t out of our effort. CJ literally studied for a month. It was all the Lord’s working -  all that years of homeschooling- because we were walking in His will for CJ’s life. The Lord was our eyes when we could not see for 14 years! He gave us a dream, He directed our paths and He brought it all to pass for His glory. 

The next Sunday CJ celebrated the end of one season and the beginning of another by doing paragliding for the first time. 



As my son took off and glided into air, with the wind behind him, I praised the Lord for what He is going to do in my son’s life. The world was waiting on him, a dangerous world, with mountains and deep blue seas. But with the Holy Spirit as the wind to guide Him and the Lord’s wisdom to direct his choices, He will bring God glory! God already proved He is trustworthy with the future of my son!

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us,
to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus
to all generations, forever and ever."
Eph. 3:20-21

With much love

Linnie

24 May 2012

Emotions of the Mother of A Young Man!






It all started Tuesday evening when Christo informed me that I got a reminder notification from the Traffic Department to renew my Driver’s license… 
Could it be? 
 Is it possible that THE five years sneaked pass me in the blink of an eye? 
Five years ago my oldest son was 13 years old… 


He was on the brink of becoming a young man:
I clearly remember walking out of the Traffic department, so relieved that I managed through the queue, eye test and paying the bill, with two babies, all by myself - Andrew was 23 months and David 7 months - thinking next time I have to renew my license, it might be easier, because by then I would have much older children to help with possible babies.  
But an even bigger thought was lingering somewhere in my mother heart. Next time I have to renew my license, my oldest son would be preparing himself to receive his drivers license.  
               It was an exciting, daunting notion.
...Forward

Four and a half years…
In November last year, CJ proudly obtained his Learners Driver’s license.  It was a big moment for me as well as my son! We immediately enrolled him with a driving school and after a few lessons Christo allowed him to drive home each time after fetching him from the horses, with his truck.  
Christo is a much better teacher than I and far more patient, so in the past 6 months, CJ only drove me twice to the supermarket.  The first time was almost to momentous for me to grasp. 

The second time, more memories, much further in the past: 
I remembered a dry, winter’s day in August 1994 - I was 4 days from 40 weeks pregnant with my firstborn. On this day I had to fetch study material from a bookshop in the centre of the town where we lived.  I squeezed in behind the steering wheel of my car, almost unable to reach the pedals due to moving the chair as far backwards as possible, so I could fit in the ‘little passenger’ in my tummy. I realized this is it! It would be the last time I move in behind the steering wheel of my car with this tummy!  24 hours later CJ was born!  
Current time...

April 2012 and I had to blink twice to come to terms that my son is sitting in front of the steering wheel again, but this time I’m the passenger!  When did this happen?

The past few weeks we called the traffic department numerous times to check if it was time to make an appointment for the fourth week of August, 3 days after CJ’s 18th birthday, so he could check out for his driver’s license.  On Monday we got the green light and scheduled Wednesday to go for the eye test and make the appointment. The whole time I remembered somewhere in the back of mind, my license also needed to be renewed, but I didn’t allow myself to pay to much attention to it. I almost tried to avoid the thought.
Then Tuesday night Christo, suggested I renew my license today too, since I have to be there!  
No!! I don’t want to!  
Five years ago, in an emotional moment, I visioned something like that could happened, but in real live? Can’t we just get this over and done, without any emotional attachments, real life realizations?  

I made an excuse of not having passport photos and dropped the subject.  I wasn’t ready to face the facts, my son is growing up, a young man, almost ready to be on his own… 
something I was thinking about five years ago, with delight, but anxiously too...  
              it was still 5 years ahead, all right…  
but now…
Wednesday morning while CJ was getting all the papers and passport pictures ready, I told him I actually could renew my license too, but I don’t have passport pictures and we don’t have time to stop for that on our way, so I would just have to go another time.  To my shock, he announced he still have passport pictures of me, and I will be able to renew my license.  When he went for his ID, I applied for a new ID, since mine was in a terrible condition, so we went for passport pictures together. 
We didn’t use all mine… 
              My son filed mine with his...
                              The time had come… 
I was on my way to renew my driver’s license 
the same time my first born was going for his eye test 
making the appointment for his driver’s license.  

What an awesome place in time… 
A memory making moment in my journey as a Mother… 
         All part of the closing process... 
                 Cutting the umbilical cord for good… 
                  Allowing my son to spread his wings, fly…
How did my Mother heart know?  It was almost like in a far fetched moment I saw an exact vision of this day… 
Five years into the future… Now...
Thank you Lord, 
for holding me, 
for holding my son, 
for intertwining us together, 
though we are slowly moving apart… 


 to fulfill our separate callings in life, as adults.

Dear Mother, we hear it numerous times… 
we know… 
                 in the blink of an eye our precious babies, will be grown ups. 

 Cherish every moment …
the fun times, 
                the challenging times too.

Much love
Linnie











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05 February 2012

Our Children's Purity


We were pregnant with our fourth child (and second daughter), CJ, our oldest was 8 years old and Heidi-Mari (now 14 years and 7 months) was only 5 years old when we were first introduced to the concept of giving our children a “visual binder” to purity before marriage.  
Both Christo and I grew up being allowed to date and have relationships from a young age, but by God’s grace we were preserved for each other, and only shared everything on our wedding night. As we grew in our marriage relationship over the following years, we could only thank the Lord for his grace on both our lives for being pure on the day of our wedding, not having the baggage from other serious/s3xual relationships.
Needless to say, when we heard a Godly, homeschooling family from America and visiting South Africa, sharing their tradition of giving a silver ring as visual binder to their four children at a young age to remind them of purity before marriage, we were captivated by the idea. 

A few months later the couple sent us a VHS series on the book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris. We were sold on the idea, got the book, and as a result the Silver Ring Thing program started in South Africa under the protection of Walk Thru The Bible.  The Silver Ring Thing program, through live events, promotes abstinence until marriage centered in a relationship with Jesus. One specific scene that I will never forget, debunk the myth that having s3x has no consequences, by highlighting the emotional risk of giving your heart to too many people. 
The scene starts when the team leader selects three young women from the audience to join him onstage.  One young man comes out on stage and he is given two pieces of plywood that, when held together, form a red heart. 


The team leader tells him that he is going to go on a date with each young woman. With each one they take things a little too far, and eventually break up. Then the team leader returns to the stage wearing an industrial apron, a mask and carrying a chain saw.  Placing half of the plywood heart in a vise grip, he saw out a part of the heart every time the young man breaks up with a girl. 


He proceeds to saws it into three pieces, which he then burns in a flaming barrel.  He gives the destroyed piece of the young man’s heart to each of the ex-girlfriends, and the young man is left with his destroyed heart. This young man will bring that destroyed half a heart to his bride one day.  


In the same way, the ex-girlfriends’ will also bring their destroyed half a heart to their bridegroom and the destroyed pieces of their ex-boyfriends’ hearts.  Talking about baggage!
With this knowledge imprinted into our hearts and minds we (Christo and I) raise our children, with a passion to serve the Lord and wait on the Lord; for the partner He has in mind for each one of them. We never gave them a special ring, but a few days ago a dear friend of mine, Marie Lawson, posted a very special story on her facebook, which I want to share with you. 
This story was originally written by Sarah Kistler. For me this story summarized the overall vision we want to share with our children. 
"Sweet 16 had finally come! I never thought I‘d make it. But I did. And it was amazing. My parents threw the birthday party of the century, and I had more people than I could count. The whole day had been awesome. But as I watched the sun begin to set, I knew the best part was soon to come.
It was late in the evening. Confetti had been swept up, helium balloons had started to sag and gift wrap had been folded neatly and tucked away for my mom's later use. As I sat at my window studying the dusky sky, Dad peeked into my room with a smile. 
"Ready to go, Sweetie?" he asked. 
Was that a trick question? I wondered as I scrambled to my feet. I'd been waiting for this night for five long years, and it was finally here! I was now officially allowed to date! 
The plan was for my parents and me to go to my favorite restaurant on the night of my 16th birthday and officiate the agreement, go over standards and discuss rules and such. And now we were finally on our way. 
I sat across from my parents in a quiet corner booth. Having just placed our orders, I figured it was time to get on with it. "So. I can go out with any guy I want to, right?" I squealed, hardly able to contain my excitement.
Mom and Dad chuckled. Dad answered, "Well, we agreed to that, didn't we?" 
"Sweet!" I exclaimed, doing a little victory dance in my seat. My parents had held me off for years, but now that the time had come, they would let me date any guy I wanted! Of course they knew I had a good relationship with God and wasn't too short on common sense, either. 
"Now wait just a second," Mom interrupted with a smile. "You have to agree to a little something yourself." 
I was expecting a lecture of some sort, so I was already prepared. "So what do I have to do now?" I asked, leaning forward on my elbows. 
"Just open this," Dad answered, producing a small white box. He gave a mysterious smile.  
One Little Rule
I hesitated a moment before untying the curly pink ribbon. I slowly opened the lid and saw a beautiful silver bracelet. But not just any bracelet. It was a charm bracelet. And they weren't just any charms. 
They were gemstones, small but gorgeous. A dozen dainty charms dangled gently. 
"Wow." I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't expecting this at all. 
"Now you have to understand this isn't just any bracelet," Mom informed me. 
"I know," I said. "It's so beautiful!" I studied it closer. There were six small charms alternating with six tinier ones. The smaller ones were a deep blue. Sapphires, I guessed. And the other six were each different. One appeared to be just a rock, one was pink, a white one, a red one, green . . . and was that a diamond? 
"This charm bracelet is symbolic," Dad explained, leaning in closer to study it with me. "It represents you and your purity. This is what will guide you through your dating relationships. Your mother and I can only tell you what's right. We can't make you believe it yourself. Hopefully, this will." 
I looked up solemnly. "I'm listening." 
"This represents the first time you hold a guy's hand," Mom said, pointing to the gray one. "It's just a piece of polished granite. Seemingly cheap, yes, but it's still a part of your bracelet. This is pink quartz." She gently rubbed the next one between her fingers. "It represents your first kiss." 
"This green one is an emerald," Dad continued. "This is your first boyfriend. The pearl is the first time you say ‘I love you' to a man other than me." 
I giggled. This was so amazing. 
"The ruby stands for your first engagement. And the diamond represents the first time you say ‘I do,' " Mom finished. 
After letting it all sink in, I cleared my emotion-clogged throat. "What do the six tiny sapphires stand for?" I asked. 
"Those are to remind you how beautiful and valuable you are to us and to God," Dad replied. "Now here's the hitch in all this, the one and only rule you'll ever have to follow when it comes to dating." 
Only one rule. Sounded good. But little did I know . . . 
"Whenever you give one these actions of love-a kiss, an ‘I love you,' a hand to hold-you also have to give the recipient the gem to match." 
I must've misunderstood. "I have to give him the gem?" 
"You have to give it to him," Mom restated. 
I was silent for a moment. I thought they must be joking. But they weren't even thinking of cracking a smile. 
"But Daddy!" I suddenly shrieked. "These are insanely expensive! I can't just give them away!" 
He gave a soft, loving chuckle. "Did you hear what you just said?" 
I thought about it. 
"Baby, your purity, your heart, they're far more valuable than a few little rocks. If you can't find it in your heart to give away your little charms, I don't think you should be giving away the things they represent." 
I could feel my insides melting, ready to gush out my tear ducts. On the one hand, it made me feel valuable and precious. But on the other, it made me furious. It made no sense. But it would. 
Priceless Gems
A few weeks after that night, I was hanging out with my friends at the beach. Chad wouldn't swim because I wouldn't swim. I was more interested in reading than getting caked with sand, and he was more interested in sitting with me than swimming with his buddies. He was sweet. He was cute. And he tried to hold my hand. 
I was thrilled for a nanosecond when a certain piece of ugly granite flashed through my mind and made me move out of his reach. I was severely annoyed-annoyed at my parents, annoyed at my bracelet-turned-handcuffs, but most of all, annoyed at myself. I was letting a little rock dominate my romantic life. 
I furiously glared at it during the whole embarrassing walk to the bathhouse. But then God hit me upside the head with a shocking epiphany. I couldn't give up my little chunk of granite. It was a part of my bracelet, which in a sense made it a part of me. I wouldn't be whole without it. It wasn't a priceless gem, yet it was still valuable. It made sense after that. 
Kevin came along eventually. We had fun. We hung out a lot. I thought I might love him. I thought I might tell him so. I thought of my pearl. It turned out that I didn't love him as much as I thought I did. 
So my parents had been right. They couldn't make me believe the things they wanted me to believe. So they let God and my bracelet do the work instead. Among the four of them, I figured out how valuable I was. How valuable my purity was. How not valuable guys were who just wasted my time and emotions. If they weren't in it for the whole bracelet, why should they get one part of it? 
Nate. He thought my bracelet was awesome. So he never tried to hold my hand. He never tried to kiss me. But he asked me to marry him. 
I never knew that so many years of torture could amount to so much happiness. I'd thought it was silly. I'd thought it was overrated. But now, I‘ve never been more glad of anything in my life. As I gave my husband the charm bracelet in its entirety, I wondered why I had found it so hard to hang on to those little rocks when it was so amazing to give them all to the man I truly loved. 
But it didn't end there. Now our daughter wears it.”
Guess who I’m going to visit this coming week?  A Jeweler... 

With much love
Linnie









"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: 
that you should abstain from sexual immorality;
that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel 
in sanctification and honor,"
1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 
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