It is a new year, and as usual I’m a little overwhelmed by what is expected of me as Wife and Mother. Our family is in the middle of watching a teaching by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson (our #1 Teacher and Mentor) on the Testing of Your Faith. This week’s teaching was on How to Pass the Test of Faith. You will never pass a test of faith only on determination! At one stage your knees will buckle and you will just be so tired and overwhelmed, the giants so big, the Enemy of your Soul will ensnare you with his lies and you will loose faith.
Being the Helpmeet to my Husband God intends me to be, and full time Mother to my precious children, is a constant test of faith. The job at hand is gigantic, more than what I will ever be able to accomplish by myself, even with determination, organizing and self discipline.
I need FAITH! And I can only step out in faith today by looking at the past and what God has done for me, and claiming God’s promises for me in the future.
Oh, God has proven Himself faithful over and over in the past. Over the past 12 years (that is only the time I’m homeschooling) there were many, many crazy years. Never, not once, did He not keep me from drowning or did He not make a way in the dessert. I need to remember and set my one foot solidly on those memories.
The next is claiming God’s promises for me, my family, the Saints. When I know what He is planning for me, when my other foot is solidly placed on the hope set before me, I will not stumble. Only then will I be able to face the giants set before me for 2012, and still rejoice and celebrate life with my family! Seizing the time and seeing God’s love and faithfulness in the little things.
I just want to share one such a recent Testing of my Faith with you.
As many of you know, in January 2011 we discovered I was pregnant with Baby #9 and we were overjoyed. The whole family was looking forward in anticipation to the new addition to our family. Sadly, at 12 weeks we couldn’t find a heartbeat and three days later I naturally miscarried our tiny baby. This was our 4th miscarriage, but the first after 7 healthy pregnancies and naturally delivered children and such an unexpected shock to our family. It took me months to emotionally recover from the loss and I still mourn the loss of my baby in this world, but do know I can look forward to spend eternity to get to know my child I haven’t known on earth.
As the months passed after my miscarriage and I didn’t fall pregnant again, I had to work through the realization that I’m probably entering a new season with my biological clock and would not hold another tiny baby of my own in my arms ever again. That was another loss in itself, I had to work through. Needless to say I spent hours of questioning and crying out to the Lord in 2011. Many dear friends gave birth exactly the same time I was due, and that didn’t make it easier. But the Lord had to work a good work in me, and it was all to my growth and maturity, though not the easy road.
By the 3rd of October, the day after my due date, I was hopelessly in pain, when I realized I wasn’t pregnant before Baby was due. With my previous three miscarriage I was always pregnant before my babies’ due dates.
It was a Monday morning and we were in the early stages for our Testing of your Faith Teaching. Christo and I did Testing of your Faith thirteen years ago for the first time, in a very challenging season of our life, and it had a huge impact then.
As I was listening to the teaching on that early morning in October, I realized that I was in a huge test of faith. For the following month I desperately leaned on the Lord, remembering His faithfulness in the past. (Please note, this is not how I would write the history of my life.) And claiming His promises to me, again not necessarily the happy ending of another baby, just the promises that He will never leave me, nor forsake me, never give me more than I can handle, working everything for good. Gradually I could feel my faith be strengthened through His faithfulness and His promises and by middle September I could hold a dear friends’ new born baby and know it is well with my soul.
I will always long for my tiny baby, but I could move on, trusting my loving Father that He works everything for good.
Then by the first week of December there were two pink lines on a pregnancy test… Yes, I’m pregnant again, now 10 weeks and rejoicing, trusting, leaning heavily on the faithfulness of my loving Father! Do my faith want to run out some days? Yes, with a little help of the Enemy of our souls and my human hormonal vulnerability, I’m bound to loose faith every now and then. BUT God instructed us not to live by feelings, but by Faith!
By having one hand on God’s faithfulness in the past and the other hand on His promises to me for the future, He guarantees I will stand solidly in the here and now - Passing the Test of Faith!
Will you please pray with me for the life of this tiny baby. That God will protect him/her in the secret place, weave him/her together in perfection and in due time send him/her forth to be born, to grow up and change the world for God’s Glory.
It is my prayer that you will look back in your past, remember God’s Faithfulness, then reach into God’s Word for His promises, claim them and step out in faith, conquering all the giants that might come your way in 2012, without fear!!
With much love
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind."