17 January 2011

Obedience: Safe & Secure?

This posting from Large Family Mothering really spoke to my heart:
"We are a planning, plotting, goal-reaching people. We are taught to strategize and have all of our ducks in a row. 
With all of the danger and uncertainty in the world, people are looking for more ways to feel secure; with seminars on how we can make our money work better for us, how to stay out of debt and how to nail-down every aspect of our fiscal existence. 
But we just don’t see it—at least not yet. God is not impressed with all of our vain efforts. Of course, Biblical principles will never steer us wrong—but if we miss the God that speaks these principles, we will still miss the greatest blessing of relationship with Him!
Life is not easy—no matter how one tries to make it seem so. I know some people who live what I call “prophylactic” lifestyles. They don’t just live—they are making sure that they have accounted for every contingency. They exist according to a plethora of checklists for everything from leaving the house to preventive medical tests and exams.
I don’t know if you’re like me, but I have observed that those who love God don’t usually live “safe” existences. I am reminded here of all the saints in the Word who followed God not by "sight" but by "faith" alone. King David certainly loved God—he was declared to be a man after God’s own heart! And yet, he went through so many trying circumstances—fleeing from King Saul after he was anointed, even living among the Philistines for a time, posing as a madman. 
Even Moses was not without trials because he chose to walk with God.
We should not (and can not) plan for every contingency. Safety should not be our preoccupation. Obedience should be our focus with our gaze on Christ! 
Obedience--not sacrifice! 
Instead of looking to experts, we should be training our spirits to tune in to the voice of the Holy Spirit--following His lead.”

The past two weeks was to say the least a shock for my system. It all started the night after my first day of school for 2011. I was in total despair!  That evening as I was laying in the safe arms of my husband, I uttered my fears, my frustrations and my insecurity for home schooling my eight precious children!
Many a day over the past two weeks, I couldn’t get to every child with all their different assignments.  CJ will turn 17 this year!  Theoretically he has only two years of “school” left. I just love the work he’s learning and don’t have a problem helping him, but oh, to find the right time is such a frustration! For his work we need exclusive time for sometimes up to an hour or longer.  

Try to do that between a baby and 3 toddlers!  Then there is my fear, will I be able to teach him everything he needs to know, for whatever he want to do in the near future?

Little Danika is turning 8 this year and needs a great deal of individual attention, with learning to write, read and doing basic maths! (I am a ‘rather late than early-Mom’) 

It just doesn’t come easy!

Heidi-Mari and Josua are at a stage where they can work more by themselves, but I still need to explain new Math’s concept, English grammar, test spelling and find time for their Science narration! 

There’s also Andrew and David who eagerly waits for their share of stimulation every morning. 

Oh, I have the most creative ideas in different areas on how to teach my children, but it isn’t always possible to execute it in real life!
One of my biggest frustrations is my inability to multitask!  Yes, I know mothers can all multitask, but I can only do this to a certain extent!  Let me give you an example.  At this moment Christo and I are both working on our computers.  Christo love to work while listening to music, but I’m totally distracted the moment he turns on the sound. I just can’t concentrate to order my ideas and words.  Now imagine 3-4 little ones, each telling me something while I’m trying to teach Danika a math concept!  Crazy! Or doing laundry and cooking while helping CJ with Physics.  Just not possible for me.
So, I’m a little out of control, with no hope to get back in control in the near future!  Until I read Shelly’s posting and it called me back to basics and gave me peace. 

Why am I home schooling my children?
Because God appointed me to home school my children, to train and teach them in His will and purposes for their lives.

Why do I have this large family?
Because God made me a Mother, with the purpose to raise godly children, who will one day change the world for Him and bring Him glory and praises into everlasting life!
I’m out of control, but God is in control. My life is in no way safe and secure, but living life through God in obedience is the only safe and secure option I know!  Every moment of every day is a surprise and I can plan as much as I like to, within minutes it can all change due to unexpected events in a large family, with many small children! But this way God can work out His plan for our lives.
I can get distracted to easily!  And I thought of it as a vice until Christo showed me it is a virtue, if I hand over control to God in this area.  I feel secure when I’m in control, so if I could multitask and keep my hand on 8 things simultaneously, I would suffocate my children with ‘school’ and we would miss out on many fun moments.  

Since I get distracted so easily, I can very easily decide that “this is it for the day”, lets go bake a cake or play a board game and through away the schedule!

And then I’m a sinner, in whom God still have to do lots and lots of carving and shaping,  polishing and submitting, to make me holy. Some days I can only bow down my head and cry out to God: “I’m a mess!”  Every day has so many stress situations and temptations, during which I mess up big time, especially on relationships. 
There isn’t many places I can turn to for help.  Other large family mothers are busy with their own trials and challenges.  The only place I can turn to, is my God and in such I’m a blessed woman!
God called me for this purpose in life and I need to trust Him with every second of my day!  There is no better place than being in the centre of God’s will, and in having a large family, and home educating them, I know I am!   

God asks obedience and my missing part is whole hearted trust!  I have to recommit myself to whole heartedly trust Him for this year!  Many a day will not be as I wish them to be, but God will pull as through for His glory and at the end it will be nothing to do with me, but all about God!
My Lord can lead me through the fire without burning, and through rivers without drowning! 
(Is 43:2)
Like Peter I need to focus on Jesus and not on the storms around me.
"God knows that, in our heart-of-hearts, our motivation was to know Him, to trust Him, and to obey Him, no matter how it seems to others and no matter what the cost. And so, even if some days it looks as though the Philistines are winning, we are sure that those things we have entrusted to Him, He is able to keep for us and for His everlasting glory."
With Love


Huisvrou said...

Somtyds het ek na jou gekyk en gedink: Vader, ek sal dit nooit kan doen nie!
Maar om te weet, uit jul "groot gesin"-kuierwerwe, dat julle ook spartel en soms net-net kop-bo-water hou, dan weet ek ek kan ook.

Want om op te kyk was nog altyd die enigste hoop.

O ja, ek het dit "makliker" met die oudstes redelik op hul eie en die geweldige ouderdomsgaping tussen die oudstes en die jongstes. En omdat ek met die jongstes baie meer "unschool" en dus regtig nog nie leer "lees" nie.

Johan is soveel "stadiger" en André so haastig om net te leer, dat ek soms bang is vir selfbeeld probleme.

Maar, dankie vir jou oopgooi en eerlikheid. Dit is wat my so lief maak vir jou. Jy wys jou menswees.

nelba said...

So baie van wat ons doen word gedikteer deur vrees. En vrees is tog maar eintlik wantroue in God. Dit is hoekom mense oorbeplan of eenvoudig net die pad wat die maklikste en veiligste lyk neem. As mens die moeiliker pad van vertroue in God in gehoorsaamheid aan Hom kies, kom daar ook verantwoordelikheid daarmee saam om op die pad te bly en die besluite te neem wat God verheerlik. Die meeste mense hou nie eintlik daarvan om verantwoordelik te wees vir hulleself nie. Ook nie vir hulle kinders nie. Hulle dink boonop nie graag vir hulleself nie. Hulle soek menslike leiers - ook geestelike leiers - om vir hulle te sê wat om te doen. En verantwoordelikheid te neem - veral as goed skeefloop, natuurlik. Jy is gehoorsaam aan God se roeping vir jou lewe. (Ek is nie in jou skoene nie, maar ek sukkel soms net met my tweetjies. :-)) Die pad wat jy gekies het, is nie maklik nie. Maar God is met jou. Elke dag.

Sonja said...

Dankie vir jou eerlike openhartige gesprek,liewe vriendin!Die vertroue deel is sooooo uiters belangrik en seker die grootste les wat ek die laaste paar jaar moes leer en konstant aan herinner moet word! Ek bid vir jou,Mamma vir krag en nuwe moed en oorlopens toe vreugde,jy is dierbaar!!!

AutumnVine said...

Dankie, Linnie, net wat ek moet hoor. Soos jy is ek ook sleg met multi task, ek kan glad nie, maak nie saak wat ander vroue kan doen. En my aandag word ook vinnig afgelei. Dankie dat jy wys dis 'n goeie eienskap en nie so sleg soos ek gedink het nie.

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