Over the past few months blogging became a liability. The joy and satisfaction I’ve experienced in the beginning was gone! There were a few reasons for this:
I’m an Afrikaans speaking girl from the Free State and somewhere during my Secondary school years something went wrong with my understanding of the English grammar. It got all mixed up and speaking or writing in correct English is almost impossible for me. Thanks to my dear husband, I’m able to publish blog postings in understandable English, but it takes a lot of effort from me, as well as time on Christo’s part.
Since English is my second language, I don’t always have the extended vocabulary to express my thoughts in a creative way. As a result I get frustrated when I try to put down my thoughts on paper (uhh, on the computer!)
I’ve fell for a lie that comments and followers indicate the value of my blog. Since I don’t often receive comments and I’ve even lost some followers over the past month, I wasn’t sure if my blog was even being read any more, and therefore of any value to anyone.
So I lost my passion to write, but deep inside of me I have this pull to share my testimony of God’s blessings, grace, providence and love for our family, while we try to live in total obedience to Him alone. A family who is doing everything opposite to the world and the mainstream church in terms of raising our children, how we worship, health, etc.
In the process of loosing my passion, I’ve become like someone who has lost something very, very valuable, but as hard as I tried to get back in writing, I just couldn’t wrap up a posting.
A few weeks ago I read a posting Blogging by Numbers. It immediately grabed my attention, then I hoped over to @ A Holy Experience and read an incredible piece by Ann Voskamp called, Six Things Every Christian Blogger Needs To Know, the final posting of three postings on “Upside Down Blogging”. Part 1 - Why Blog? and Part 2 - What is Success? The more I read it, the more it felt like someone was unlocking the prison I was locked in during the past few months. A prison in which I’ve locked up myself, through the lies I believed and expectations I had.
I’ve started my blog almost 2 years ago because I’ve sensed God wants me to share truths, testimonies and a personal journal of my blessed life, but also struggles and rejections as a mother of many children. For me, keeping a blog had nothing to do with my ability to write, being creative with words, the applause of people or how many people follow my blog! It was all about God’s glory and to strengthen my faith!
Ann’s article brought me back to basics - the core of why I started my blog.
The Word says: “The truth will set you free!”
The Lord truly sat me free!
Since that day, I could start writing again! Christo still need to check my grammar, I still struggle to have all the creative words and search for the right vocabulary, but I enjoy writing again!
And most of all I got convinced of God as my ONLY FOLLOWER and therefore don’t need to follow my Follower’s statistics anymore.
I also know God’s comments are the only comments that truly matters and rejoice in fine-tuning my spirit to hear His voice and opinion on whatever I intended to blog about!
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate every comment, but it isn’t the focus of my blogging!
And as I’m starting this new year I want to share with you a Bloggers Prayer by Ann Voskamp:
I am no longer my own blogger, but Thine, O Lord.
Refine me with each post how You will, rank me how You will.
Put me to service, or put me to suffering.
Let me post for Thee or be put aside for Thee,
Lifted high, only for Thee, or brought low, all for Thee.
Do with me and each post whatever you will, because You alone know best.
Let me not strive but submit Let me not compete but care
Let me not desire hits but holiness
Let me be a follower, instead of seeking followers.
Let my blog be full of Thee, and let it be empty of me.
Let me crave all things of Thee, let me care nothing of this world.
Let my words be worthy of the greatest of audiences: You.
And You are enough.
May I write not for subscribers… but only for Thy smile.
May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement,
not the size of my audience.
May my identity be in the innumerable graces of Christ,
never, God forbid, the numbers of my comments.
May the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen ---
but the ones I live with my skin.
I freely and heartily yield every sentence, every title, every post, every comment… or no comments… all to Thine pleasure and perfect will.
My only fame is that I bear Your name
My only glory is the gift of Your Grace
My only readership, Your eyes that seek to and fro to find a heart hard after You.
Make this so, oh Lord…
Yahweh, You alone are my God, not Google
Jesus, You alone are my Savior, not site meters
And Holy Spirit, You alone are my Comforter, not comments
So be it, today, yesterday, and every post to come.
This is my prayer I have made on earth and over this keyboard… let it be ratified in heaven.
Copyright 2010, Ann Voskamp @ www.aholyexperience.com All rights reserved. Please do not copy, paste text or reprint.
You can read her whole article here.
May you all have a blessed, spirit filled 2011 and to all my Blog Friends, may this prayer also be your prayer.