It is no secret that I’m sold out on the book ‘Created to be His Helpmeet’. When the daughter of a friend suggested I read the book a few years ago, I had lost all the joy and spark in my marriage. I was stressed out being the wife of a ‘very demanding husband’ while having 6 children to take care of 24 hours a day - (the youngest only a few months old)
Within the first page of the book, I knew what was wrong! I was desperate to make changes for good in my marriage. I have a teachable spirit, I believe the Bible is relevant for today as much as in ancient times and eagerly drank in every word Debi Pearl wrote on being a joyful, thankful wife, who delights herself in being created to be her husband’s greatest gift. I was purposefully created to fill the needs of my husband!
Since that day it was my biggest desire to be “The Special Woman”, who brings only joy to my husband.
But it wasn’t easy. Men has an equally sinful nature as women, being selfish. To please my husband I needed all the wisdom I could get. In Debi’s book I got a good dose of wisdom in her explanation of three kinds of men.
A whole new world open up for me. Let me explain from ‘Created to be His Help Meet”:
Men are not all the same. Men are created in the image of God and it seems like God made each male to express one side of his triad nature.
Your husband can be like God the Father, a King. He can be healing and kind like Jesus, a Priest. He can be in the image of the Holy Spirit, a Prophet type.
I would like to write about all three kinds of men, but for now only on the one I’ve married: The King!
A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They are born leaders, men who want to move forward, they have a plan.
They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Kingly man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. When you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you to learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority.
He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing his personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out - a woman married to a Kingly man, has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme!
She is on call every minute of her day. Her man want to know where she is, what she is doing and why she is doing it. He corrects her without thought. For better of for worse, it is his nature to control.
Married to a Kingly Man, you wear a heavier yoke than most women, but it can be a very rewarding yoke. You always know exactly what is required of you.
A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest and sometimes his only confidante. Over the years the Kingly Man can become more yielding and gentle.
Caution: Don’t be offended at his lack of serving or helping you in the mundane things of life. He may organize and command someone else to do it.
The Wife of the Kingly type of man can ruin her marriage by failing to honor, obey and reverence her husband’s authority and rule.
The wife of the Kingly type of man can heal her marriage by becoming his adoring Queen, honoring and obeying his every (reasonable and unreasonable) word. She will dress, act and speak so as to bring him honor everywhere she goes.
After I read this, I could only stand in appreciation for the man God created as my husband! I could see his whole being in a total different light and understand why and when he did things that annoy me.
Although I got all this wisdom to understand my husband, I still had a hard time to arrange my every day deeds and words under his authority, till I got another book from Debbie Pearl. Actually it isn’t my book, it is Heidi-Mari’s book. She got this book from her best friend for her 13th birthday. “Preparing to be a Help Meet” by Debi Pearl.
In this book Debi Pearl introduces three types of women. Dreamers, Servants and Go-to-Gals. The Go-to-Gal is very much the female of the kingly-type-men; the Servant girl the female of the Priest-type-men and the Dreamer Girl the female of the Prophet-type-men.
Let me briefly interrupt myself and say a little about the Prophet-type-men from ‘Created to be His Help Meet’.
A Prophet is a shaker, changer and dreamer. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct.
If they are not wise, they can be real fools who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.
Prophets are often gifted men or inventors. They are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line issue. They love confrontation and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull.
Prophets is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art or actions. He is the ‘voice crying out in the wilderness’.
And it was here that, for me, a lot of puzzle pieces fell into place! I am a Dreamer!
From ‘Preparing to be A Help Meet’:
A Dreamer like to create, sew, design, paint or write! The little three-year-old girl that love to dress up like a ballerina or princess (must be why I love making ballet costumes for my girls!) If you are a Dreamer, then you need to keep your head out of the clouds while dancing your way into your vision for the future! Don’t get involved in projects that take you away from your responsibility to honor your husband!
Red lights!!! That is exactly what happens in my life time and time again!
I will get so involved in my sewing/card making/writing, I will forget to start dinner and remember the Kingly type of man like fine meals served on time and in good order! He also expect his wife to wait on him hand and foot. He does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him.
There was a small positive part to my Dream-type, I love cooking/baking and I am an especially good cook, whose gifts are greatly appreciated - if I can serve it on time and in good order!
I could identify with every part of the Dreamer type and I felt so relieved to know I was actually NORMAL! But instead of being at peace, excepting what God has made me to be, I got to a cross road! Lord, you created me with this personality-type, that overflow with creativity, passion and impulsivity, but this Dreamer married a King!
The King actually needs a Servant girl. A girl who is a peacemaker, kind and considerate - a sweetheart, ready to serve her king!
I was crying out: “What about my God given gifts and passions, Lord? Am I just supposed to lay down my abilities and let my husband do his thing?” And I found my answer in Eph 5:22-24
“22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Yes! That is exactly the way it is, and No, not at all. The key is to recognize my natural type, not so I can do just what I want, but so I can understand how it might weaken or aid my service to my first in command - my husband!
I know my tendency to get drawn away by my creative projects, can weaken my service to my husband and children, neglecting my household duties, BUT that same tendency can make me serve my husband with a passion in creating excellent meals and taking care of his children by doing projects that involve them, bringing overflowing life into our home!
About a week ago my impulsive side (part of being a dreamer is to be a ‘little’ unstable in her emotions!) was to the benefit of my marriage relationship. As Christo was leaving for work, I was really sad to say good bye and I was already missing him. I was holding him a little longer when he gave me a good bye kiss and told him I’m missing him already. He pushed me arm length away and asked me to come to work with him. I could just be there with him in the office, maybe we could go for a coffee and then I could return to the children. Just there and then I decided that is what I’m going to do and I did! It was such a blessed morning!
While enjoying each other’s company and talking about things that stress me, especially my Dreamer personality, which always makes me feel like I’m drawn between two worlds, Christo brought it under my attention, that if it wasn’t for my Dreamer personality, he would be bored with me within 3 days! My impulsive, intense personality is part of the dynamics in our house and that is what God intended for our family!
Although I’m still battling to manage my time between my husband and my creative side, I thank the Lord for the woman He made me. I know serving my husband is first, and when my man knows that I am serving him first and foremost, my gifts will become an extension of his gifts. I complete my husband; I don’t compete with him and in accomplishing that, I will seek God even more for wisdom. Wisdom so I can use my personality for His glory and in making my husband everything he’s supposed to be!