09 April 2011

How I Long To Know You!

It is already four weeks since we’ve learned you are not with us anymore!  
Oh, how I miss you.  
Yes, I knew you so well.  
I look at your brothers and sisters and with certainty I can tell how sweet you would be.  
You become sweeter and have more personality the more you are.  
There are more to love you, more to teach you, more to keep you busy, more to comfort you when you get hurt, more to show you how to do things, more to introduce you to the wonderful world we live in. 
More hands to come rushing for help when you ask, more voices that encourage you, more excitement when you accomplish something, more loving eyes that follow you through your journey of life!

I watched your baby brother Michael early this morning laughing and playing on the bed, and I long to see you play with us.   
I looked into his deep blue eyes and I long to look into your blue eyes - all your siblings have deep blue eyes, would you too?  

I hold his chubby baby body and I long to hold you, with a deep ache in my heart!  
I saw his beautiful smile that crumbled my heart and I long to see your smile.

I watch your brother Josua, my ‘Always with a new plan, out of the box’ child. 
My son with life and that in abundance and I long to know the abundant life you would live.  
He is so full of fun, joy and passion, doing everything differently and I long to know how you would be different.  
For though all your siblings is so much the same, yet they are so different and so would you!

I look at your brother Andrew.  
My son with the clear cut purpose of changing the world and I’m experiencing a deep thankfulness for the purpose of your very short life in our lives.

I watch you brothers David and Daniel playing together, living in a world of imagination of their own and I long to see you play along. 
What dimension could you add to their imagination world?

I look at your oldest brother CJ, a fine young man, full of compassion, but a strong leader and my heart ache for the loss of not knowing you as a young man this side of life.

I watch your little sister, Danika and I long to know if you were the baby girl we were praying for, for months in advance.  
It is more difficult to think of you as my little girl, I’m so used to little boys playing all over the place. 
Or maybe I just try to protect myself from further loss -  thinking of you as my little girl, who would play dress-up with her sister.

I look at your creative and always available oldest sister Heidi-Mari and I long to know, if you were my little girl, what you would create.  
I long to have hours of enjoying creative beauty around the dining table, often till late at night! 

Oh, my dearest baby, I can almost see you in our big family, you would be overflown with love, laughter and friendship.  
I ‘see’ you talking, playing, exploring life.  
But I also know you were destined for this very short life and you have accomplished everything that was asked from you.  
I rejoice in knowing you for a very short period, carrying you under my heart for a very short time, but in my heart forever!

I’m looking forward in anticipation to eternity.  
An eternity to coming to know you, love you and experiencing everlasting life!

With all my love
Your mother

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;"
Eccl. 3:1;4

Can't wait for the time of laughter and dancing, on the streets of gold,
in the presence of our King!


JanetK said...

Beste Linnie!

Wat 'n beautiful gedig! My hart huil saam met jou. Dit is goed om te skryf en te deel. Dit het altyd vir my gewerk.

liefde en 'n drukkie

Sonja said...

O Linnie! Ek bid steeds vir jou! Ek het so saam met jou gehuil. Ek is bly om te kan se, jou baba is veilig in Jesus se arms en wag daar vir jou!
Baie drukkies vir troos van my af.x

AutumnVine said...

Pragtig, so bly jy kan dit so mooi verwoord.
Die woorde wat ek wil skryf maar hier binne vassteek as ek hierkom sit.

Linnie said...

Thank you to everyone who text, called and left a comment with love and kind words! I appreciate it so much!
Dankie Janet en Sonja!
Esther, die woorde het net die oggend uitgeborrel. Dit was so sterk, ek het ten spyte van, van die kinders wat al wakker was en om my gespeel het, my rekenaar gegryp en net begin tik. Dit is eers 'n paar dae later dat ek weer tyd gehad het om daarna te kyk en toe besef ek hoekom die Here dit vir my so dringend laat doen het. Dit was vir my so kosbaar!

Anonymous said...

Dear Linnie, that is just so beautiful! I cried all the way through. Thank you for sharing your heart and a glimpse of your littlest one in heaven. much love,Karyn

Joyfulmama said...

Linnie, my hart is so, so seer saam met jou. Jou woorde hier bo het my net weer herinner dat elke nuwe lewetjie so spesiaal is, en dat elkeen van God se kinders, ook die wat vir ons aan die anderkant in glorie wag, saakmaak en mekaar se lewens aanraak. Ek is diep geroer deur jou woorde oor hoe die babatjie ook sy broers en sussies se lewens raak. Jy het my 'n nuwe perspektief gegee, vriendin: ons outjie wat daar by Jesus wag is nie net MY kindjie nie, maar ook 'n boetie of sussie vir my ander kinders. Watter vreugde wag nie vir ons in die teenwoordigheid van Jesus nie!! Baie, baie liefde vir jou, and may you find strength in leaning on the Everlasting Arms.

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