03 May 2009

Living by Faith, not by Feelings!

It has been a depressing weekend!
It has actually been a depressing week!

It all started on Sunday evening, when David had a fever. Monday morning was CJ’s Cross Country Event and all the children went with Dad to watch CJ, while David, Daniel and I had to stay at home. Already a great disappointment to me.

Monday evening Andrew had a fever too. By Tuesday afternoon they were so ill with the flu, I had to juggle the big children’s extramurals with the little ones’ staying at home. The first half of the afternoon, Heidi-Mari stayed with David and Andrew while I dropped CJ at horse riding and Danika at ballet, with Josua staying at the premises of the ballet school with her. During Danika’s ballet class I popped in at an art shop for accessories needed for an Astronomy assignment, at Pick n’ Pay for groceries and Woolworths for the week’s organic fruit and vegetables. After picking up Danika and Josua, I rushed home, left Josua and Danika with the little patients and dropped Heidi-Mari at ballet. On my way back home, I quickly picked up our laundry at the Laundromat. Meanwhile, it was raining and I had to take little Daniel with me in and out of shops.

By Thursday night Andrew, David and Daniel were sick with fever coming and going and a terrible cough! By now Christo was sleeping with Andrew and David to manage their coughing during the night and me with Daniel with his coughing and crying. You can imagine how much sleep we got.

To make things even worse Josua and Danika started coughing too and by Saturday evening only CJ, Heidi-Mari and I were not coughing and struggling with fever and terrible flu. And it seemed like Pappa Christo had it worst of all.

Figuring out who would look after who during Saturday night was a challenge! Daniel was coughing and crying so badly, only I could comfort him. He had been on my breast the whole day and I didn’t foresee that the night would be any different. Christo was really sick, but only he would be able to look after Andrew and David. So Andrew, David and Christo slept in our queen-size bed and we prayed that they would be over their coughing to give Christo a chance to sleep and recover. I moved into Daniel’s room, Heidi-Mari took responsibility for Danika and CJ for Josua, when they coughed and off we went for the night.

CJ and Heidi-Mari were really amazing! They got up for their brother or sister every time they heard them coughing, gave them medicine and looked after them very well. As we had prayed, Andrew and David didn’t cough once during the night, and did not need Christo to get up for them. But Christo himself had a terrible night, being able to sleep for only half an hour at a time.

Within an hour of everyone waking Sunday morning, you could hear coughing and blowing of noses.
Now I have to confess, I don’t take sick children well, and when my dear husband is sick too, I'm even worse. I like to be in control and when my loved ones are sick, I'm out of control and that is not a nice place for me to be. So, I could feel the hopelessness, frustration and anger build up during Saturday, and that, combined with my utter exhaustion after nights without enough sleep (how much is enough?) meant I was no good.

So waking up this morning, realizing nothing has changed since yesterday, I'm facing yet another day of coughing, crying children. And seeing my dear husband with the worst flu ever, has left me drained, feeling like a flat tyre with nowhere to go.

But I do know I have one special friend that knows of our family’s ailments and she has promised to pray for us. It must have been their family’s intercession for us and the beautiful, crystal clear, sunny, autumn day outside that made me make a U-turn in my emotions. Somewhere during the early morning I found myself protesting against my own negative feelings. My Mother always said I was a bouncing ball. No matter how bad things got, I always bounced back. This was a bouncing ball moment!

I just knew we needed a little fun, we (I!) needed sunshine. Within minutes everyone was dressed and we were heading for the sun. I have a neglected rose garden, (because of lack of time and security reasons) and we decided to have everyone help prune some dead flowers. What fun we had, I could even take some nice pictures of the children while they played with the rose petals.

The beauty of God's creation and my smiling children (they were actually still sick) made me remember to thank God for all the Blessings that surround me and lifted me out of the negative feelings that overwhelmed me. Nancy Campbell said in her Beautiful Woman teaching CD: Don’t live by your feelings, live by faith! Feelings come and go, but living by faith, is pleasing to God.

Thank you Lord, today I chose to live by faith and not my feelings. I will love my children; take care of my sick husband and give You glory!

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