Showing posts with label Eucharisteo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eucharisteo. Show all posts

01 January 2014

The Year of Rest






After experiencing the Lord mightily in 2013, especially in the context of the name of my Year 2013, I was in great anticipation for what He wanted me to call this coming year - 2014.  

I started Naming the Year in 2011, after reading Ann Voskamp’s blog, A Holy Experience. There is power, growth, blessing in giving a name to your year - allowing the Lord to make you focus on one truth for 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days. This through joy and memory making moments, as well as despairing and disappointing situations. 

2011 was the Year of Rebuilding Relationships. It was my first year. To say the truth, quite a wobbly year, and by December 2011, I wasn’t sure I had accomplished my goal. 

2012 was the Year of Eucharisteo - Being thankful! It was just after I read One Thousand Gifts. It changed my life, my perspective and my picture of God, tremendously! It was a difficult year - two more miscarriages, after 7 healthy babies in 14 years. You can do the math, it wasn’t like I had any problems in getting pregnant or keeping my babies! The Lord sustained me with Eucharisteo.

2013 was the Year of Charis - Grace.

One thing I knew while praying for the Lord’s guidance in the Name of this Year, was that I want to have more of Him… more of His amazing grace that will pull me towards loving Him more and serving Him more, trusting Him more, so I would toil less, wait on Him, let Him be God in my life.

For a week, days before Christmas I prayed day and night. Lord what was the name of 2014 to be?  It came to me the day after Christmas, but I only recognised it a few days later. Three times over a few days I ran into verses with the name and it was only after it was posted on my Facebook wall that it hit me! 

Twice in 48 hours I got the verses in Matthew 11:28
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Then I got Hosea 11:11 in the Knox translation:
“And in their own home, says the Lord, I will give them rest.”

Oh, the joy and peace - I just knew it was right - REST.

The Lord wants me to rest in Him in 2014. Wow, what a hope, expectation, what a promise.

The past 3 months I’m studying Hebrews. And all the time while I was seeking the Lord for a name of this year, I knew it will have to do with the powerful message of Hebrews. The message of growing in my faith, but also in trusting the Lord more and more, pleasing Him more and more with my faith. But the most important, I remembered from the very first verses, “Entering His Rest.”  Oh, how I long to enter His rest, even more so since I’ve experienced his grace so powerful in my life in 2013.

It was almost like mountains lifting off my shoulders. The knowing in this year my goal will be to rest in my Lord. How I’m looking forward to undergo Real-Life-Training in How to rest in the Lord!






When I look back at the passing year, 2013, and how the Lord taught me about His grace in my life, I’m in absolute awe.  Coming from a conservative church as a child, grace was almost…. cheap. Everything was grace. Then in my thirtieth year I came to know the wrath of the Lord, and how He hates sin. He took us through the dessert and He taught us about obedience. He showed us His truths and how He long for us to walk in His truths, throwing off everything that entangled us - sin.  I came to know the Lord as the Lion, and not only the Lamb I knew in my first 25years or so. 

But as in everything when you stumble upon a new truth, you can easily become off balance. I only focused on truth and obedience. I knew I couldn’t earn my salvation, but I was pretty sure I could earn blessings from the Lord through my obedience. And whenever things went wrong, I was convinced I brought if over myself with disobedience of some kind. 

Through counting the gifts in 2012, I gradually came to see a new grace. A totally different grace than what I came to know as a child in the conservative church. Through 2013’s Name, Charis - Grace, I wanted to know the true meaning of grace. I wanted to experience my Lord’s grace. It was beyond what I could ever have thought or asked… The Lord just overwhelmed me with His grace and wiped out all the distorted believes I had about grace. Through real life experiences, often hopeless and desperate situations, He personally taught me about His REAL grace. The grace that He demonstrated to me on the cross, while I was still in the depths of despair, become more real in every day situations of despair and hopelessness. Nothing I did in the past, will do in the future or does in the present, could validate the blessings I received from the Lord in the Year 2013.








It overwhelmed me, day after day, and it was all grace. The beauty of it all was, the more I received His grace, the more I was drawn to God, to His love and to love Him. To love Him for Whom He is, my Heavenly Father.

As I studied the scriptures on Rest the past two days, it was awesome to read the true meaning of “Anapavo” - Rest. 
It describes a cessation from toil, a refreshment, an intermission.  
When I read it alongside Hebrews 4, I came to understand true rest come by diligently hearing the Word of God and to let it profit me, mixed with faith.  That was exactly what I sensed in my spirit, while praying for the Name of 2014.

How I long to be a Giant in Faith!  But for that to surface I need to go through gigantic tests of faith. That is a scary thought. I had to ask myself, why do I want to be a Giant in Faith? The answer: So I can rest, and have peace, while feeding on God’s grace and faithfulness, in this world of toil and hardship, lies and deception. This past year I came to have a taste of His grace, now I am in anticipation to experience all the facets of His rest in the next 12 months, 52 weeks and 365 days.

My prayer for 2014:
"Dear LordThank you for this Word. I’m so looking forward to experiencing your faithfulness in showing me You can give me rest in situations that I’ll see impossible. Just as you already proved Yourself faithful to extend grace in situations where I deserved noting, was beyond hope, with little or total lack of faith. Thank you Lord, I’m waiting on You.In Jesus’ precious NameAmen”

What is the Name of your Year?

With much love

Linnie












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24 March 2013

Commentary on One Thousand Gifts



This past week a commentary on One Thousands Gifts by Ann Voskamp was brought to my attention. 

According to this commentary, ‘One Thousands Gifts is a New Age Emergent movement, drawing women into its deception’. The information in One Thousands Gifts is accused of being a false perception, compared with a virus, sweeping through the church worldwide and apparently now the homeschooling community. The friend who brought this under my attention, was concerned that since I have a blog and because of my influence on homeschoolers, I might be involved in leading women astray. 

I don’t want to lead any one astray, and do understand that some women look to me for advice and guidance and that no deceit should be found in my teachings.  It is important that the books I recommend be scriptural in every way and we are not party to spreading a false gospel.

In the light of this, I want to share my response with you:

Dear Friend


Words on paper can be a blessing, but very soon after I started blogging I realized it can easy be misinterpreted, cause misunderstanding and devision. Years ago I attended a seminar by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson’s wife, Darlene Wilkinson on the Prayer of Jabez for Women. During this seminar she pointed out that our reaction to teaching can often be influenced by our maturity level, and we must be very careful to criticize each other, since we are seldom at the same maturity level. 





I might be on a spiritual level, that may cause me to be blind for what you find concerning in reading “One Thousand Gifts”. For this reason I also asked Christo, as my priest and leader, to give commentary. We as a family watched the One Thousand Gifts DVD’s together, and he also experienced first hand what the effect of One Thousand Gifts was on my life.
Now I want to add a few things before I get to One Thousand Gifts itself. Over the years almost every single mentor in my walk of faith, has been criticized on a book they wrote.  We would have been very poor in knowledge and understanding of the Word of God and our walk of faith, if it wasn’t for Dr. Bruce Wilkinson’s many teachings and books.
Nancy Campbell herself isn’t appreciated for her books “Be Fruitful and Multiply”, “The Power of Motherhood”, “The Gate-Keeper of the Home” or the Above Rubies magazine. Debi Pearl, for her book Created to be His Helpmeet. Though I don’t necessarily endorse any of the other teachings by No Greater Joy, Debi Pearl’s book gave me great insight in understanding my husband and finding joy in being submissive. Also Rick Joyner wrote a few great books which influenced our understanding of the spiritual realm. What his current teachings are like, I am not familiar with .




Do I agree with each and every word in all the books I read? Often not! Every now and then there would be something that I don’t quite agree with, or would love to have a better explanation for. 

But then I remember 1 Thessalonians 5:21,“Test all things; hold fast what is good.”

and Phillipians 2:12b, “...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” 

I trust God to let me discern what is right and edifying.  The above Authors boldly teach on controversial, not so popular Bible truths and often challenge their readers to blindly step out in faith, while trusting the Lord.



Furthermore Christo and me are not unfamiliar with criticism on our way of living. Our first encounter was 17 years ago when we chose homeopathic/natural medicine above allopathic medicine, due to the illness of our firstborn, CJ. Followed by not vaccinating our children. We then left the traditionally Reformed church, leaving behind our family, with all their criticism.  Soon after that it was our choice to homeschool our children. Rejection, ridicule and criticism since we surrendered my womb to the Lord in 2005. In all these criticizing, we desperately searched the Lord for wisdom and guidance. Often we were not able to find an answer with people, we always turn to the Holy Spirit to open God’s Word as our only authority. 

Criticism is good, when received with a humble, teachable spirit.  Each time when we receive criticism it make us stop and reevaluate what we are busy doing, are we still calibrated to the Word, Gods plan for our lives. Often this reevaluation of our intentions and knowledge, in addition to searching the scriptures, contributed to an even stronger belief, being even more convicted by the Holy Spirit of that which we stand for. Each time the Lord brought us back to the big picture of His word on the specific topic and then guide us to specifics. Many theologic arguments were put before us, but time and time again God revealed to us His truths, as unto simple minded men. 


“I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes.” Matt 11:25






All these, plus many personal trials and tribulations have added to our maturity level. It is this past and present experiences that influence the way we make choices. 

About a year ago I read a similar commentary, accusing Ann of being of the New Age movement. I read it, found it ridiculous, and tucked it away, since it was the exact time during which I lost another precious baby. I always had to work very hard to achieve something. My mother had very high expectations of me, and with her very critical personality, I often disappointed her, leaving me with a very low self esteem.  Over the years I’ve developed a distorted picture of God not always being on my side. It felt like He was not very impressed with me. I knew He loved me, but maybe He didn't like me.  My opinion about God was, that for whatever reason He would often just allow hard things to happen to me, for no apparent reason.


After reading “One Thousand Gifts”, this distorted picture of God changed dramatically! As I thought back to the hard times, it was almost like the veil had been taken away and I could see clearly. I could see God in the small things, His hand of protection and guidance. I could also identify that going through the tests of fire was to purify me.  One Thousand Gifts, opened my eyes to see God’s pain with me in my miscarriage. Not leaving me to just go through the pain, almost like He is to busy running the World and I had to take care of myself. 

Do you understand what I experienced, my Friend? There is no way that something like a New Age movement, or another ‘jesus’ could do this for me!  I trusted God all my life, to keep me and guide me - He promises it in His Word and I stand on it. He will not let me go astray, because He knows my heart, He knows my past, He knows my weaknesses and in all this He meets me.  And that is exactly what He did with One Thousand Gifts.

The fruit of this book in my life, is life-giving - not death! Critics will often be concerned with the ‘roots’ of others’ choices or the ‘roots’ of their teachings. This also happened with us. People told us (in their opinions) how and what was wrong with our choices. With our choice of homeopathy, it was the evil Eastern roots. With surrendering my womb it was the root of keeping the law, which would bring death to our souls. Having all these blessings (children) in my life, do bring tiredness and sacrificing of self, but its fruit is life and that in abundance, not death! Interesting nowhere in the Bible do I read you have to validate something according to its roots, but judge according to its FRUIT!




And God says, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits.”  I have been reading Ann’s blog for years now, and the fruit I see there is life-giving too! In her husband, in her marriage and in her children!  We can be so quick to jump to conclusions, far removed from being Spirit filled or even Godly truth! Mostly based on misconceptions or on what others say about something or someone.

Many of the things I read about in One Thousand Gifts, compare with teachings we received over the years. Dr. Bruce’s “Testing of your Faith”, as well as the “Unveiling Glory”, “Cat and Dog Theology” teachings we received 10 years ago, with the Word foundational to these teachings.  

I question the sincerity and motive of the commentators who pull One Thousand Gifts and Ann Voskamp’s faith apart. I remember years ago, while I was still in school, studying a poem. It was one of the compulsory poems we had to study for our final exams. After pulling the poem apart, the teacher stopped for a moment and thoughtfully commented, “The Poet most probably didn’t mean half of the things we added to this poem, but never mind.”  
I wonder how much is added to Ann’s beautiful poetic, romantic writings, which is a godly given talent and just who she is. I understand that her poetic style may not appeal to everybody, but her different style is no reason to criticize or question the validity of her message.

It is so sad to me when ‘highly theological educated’ people (like in the link you sent me) trample with their dirty shoes of criticism and proud theological arguments on holy ground, on ground where we are supposed to take our shoes off.



God love diversity! Just this past weekend, I attended a Walk through the New Testament seminar, with CJ, Heidi-Mari, Josua and Danika. It was interesting to hear again, how God was aware of this concept of people being different in many ways. He used 4 different people with different focus, personality, way of acting, authority and goals to document the four gospels.

Matthew, a Hebrew, wrote for the Hebrews. Their focus was the past, he wrote out of emotion. For the Hebrews religion was their way of acting, traditions is the goal and commands the authority. 


Due to these characteristics, he portraits Jesus as the King.

Mark, a Roman, wrote for the Romans. Their focus was the present, he wrote out of the will. For the Romans, Caesar was the authority, construction was their way of acting and domination the goal. 


He portraits Jesus as the Servant.

Luke, a Greek, wrote for the Greeks. Their focus was the future, he wrote out of the mind. For the Greeks culture is the authority, education their way of acting and sophistication the goal. 


He portraits Jesus as the Perfect Man.  

Johan, wrote as a Christian, for Christians. Their focus is eternity, his writing style is in the spirit. For the Christian, Christ is the authority, revelation the way of acting and Evangelism the gaol. 


He portrait Jesus as the Son of God. 

Even today, these four gospels, speak to different people on different levels. 

In the light of this, there will be books written in a style (poetry) and in emotion (romantic) that you might not be comfortable with and may make you feel uneasy. And that is fine.

So dear Friend, I appreciate your concern and warning, but One Thousand Gifts enriched my walk with the Lord so much. Although I only read the Bible, no devotionals and seldom commentaries, we love to read other books in our free time!  I believe I’m blessed with the gift of discernment and I very quickly feel an unease in my spirit when I read something not from the Lord. I love to read the books the Lord send over my path, especially from respected authors and mentors we have come to know since 1999 when we recommitted our lives to the Lord.

So I humbly ask that you hear my heart when I say that I appreciate your concern over me possibly going astray, very much. I know that as a friend you are looking out for me, but in this instance I believe I am doing no wrong.


I would like to add two testimonies from women I know:
“How can I even begin to say how much Christ used this book to change my attitude towards life! My cry to God was Psalm 86:4 'Make glad the soul of your servant, for to You Lord I lift up my soul'. I asked God to make me 'glad'. I asked Him to help me find joy in the dark times and when I really did not feel like it. The Bible was full of all these thanksgiving verses and it was like they were jumping out towards me. I am not one to read 'self-help' books so much and believe that God will speak to me through His Word. However, God brought One Thousand Gifts to me through a precious friend whom I trust very much.  
It was a completely 'Bible based' book and everything Ann Voskamp said, was backed by scripture. I started giving thanks to God every day for little things and then I started writing them down. The day my dear granny died still stands out to me as I took the 'gifts' from Ann's blog and looked for them everyday. The gifts we were looking for that day was 'a gift worn, white and whispered. I stood by Oumie's bed and took her worn hand in mine, stroked her white hair over the pillow and we whispered “I love you” to each other. It was only later that night when I wrote down my gifts that I realized this and started giving thanks to my awesome God for these things. I still write down 3 gifts every day and realize that thanksgiving is Gods grace to give us the joy we long for. Even more so when we don't feel thankful.
“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving and a thank offering and into His courts with praise! Be THANKFUL AND SAY SO TO HIM, bless and affectionately praise His name!” Psalm 100:4. It is evident in scripture that thanking our Father and Lord Jesus Christ daily for His gifts by the power of the Holy Spirit will bring us joy and I am so thankful to Ann Voskamp for pointing this out to us through her book One Thousand Gifts!” 
And
“I believe that at the heart of Ann's message is a deep desire for us all to draw closer to Him by gaining an appreciation of the bounty of His gifts to us in ordinary every day occurrences and situations that we take for granted. I believe that because of the poetic beauty with which Ann writes, some mistake this for mysticism, but aren't we all mystified by the grace of God. The Apostle Paul called this gift of grace and mercy a mystery - Christ in Us, the hope of glory!  
Ann has opened my eyes to God's blessings in the ordinary, everyday and given me a new appreciation for the gifts that I take for granted every day. Yes, now I do see Jesus in the ordinary and I look for blessings in the midst of storms and trials but I see this as an enhancement to my spiritual growth, not some emotional virus. How much easier is it to Give thanks in everything, when you are truly looking for the gift in every thing that comes? I am truly thankful that I am not bound by such legalism that would take issue with a poetic mandate to count our blessings and appreciate the gifts of God.”

My friend (yes, we still share a sweet friendship) and I couldn’t agree on whether One Thousands Gifts is a false teaching or not. 

Always remember to “Test all things; hold fast what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:21) for yourself, not on the recommendation of another. 
Also “...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” (Phillipians 2:12b-13)

The commentary that was sent to me and made me write this posting, you can read here.
Some interesting material for those who are still skeptical about One Thousand Gifts and Ann Voskamp’s heart behind the book can be found in Christianity Today.
Ann Voskamp’s view on some of these here and here.

With much love
Linnie












Finally, brethren,
whatever things are true,
whatever things are noble,
whatever things are just,
whatever things are lovely,
whatever things are of good report,
if there is any virtue and
if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.
Philippians 4:8

04 November 2012

Expectations and Perfectionism; Grace and Let Go




I’m a Passionate, Dreamer kind of girl, with a wild imagination, high expectations and seldom satisfied with second best.

When I was a young girl my Mother believed I could do anything. I was told I had a high IQ, and soon what was expected from me, became my inner motivation to be the best.  I only needed to put my everything into whatever I wanted to achieve and accomplished more than the average.  

Sadly, it didn’t turn out to be the case.  Though I worked very hard, often paying the high price of sacrificing fun and social activities, I ended up to be just your average student. Over the years a pattern was established. I couldn’t put off these high expectations, this urge to be perfect, but was always aware that I will most properly not succeed. 

Expectation is a set up for disappointment. 

My battle with conflicting emotions was an ongoing process: I was an Opportunist, with this very real underlying pessimism.  As a result I was constantly disappointed in myself, giving place to a low self esteem. 

Whenever opportunity knocked at my door, I would rush in with wild ideas and great expectation, reaching for the perfect outcome. 


Then a wave of incompetence, doubt and hesitation would gush over me, leaving me almost paralyzed from my own insecurity.

Over the years, under the loving, steady, believing influence of my husband, I learned to suppress the emotions of insecurity and low self-esteem. I drew strength from his trust in me as a Human being, created in the image of our God, walking in the calling of my life.

But, I never got delivered from the monsters of perfectionism, expectations and low self-esteem each time I failed. As soon as life got hard, making unexpected twists and turns, I would have to fight the battle of worthlessness, despair and anger; trust leaking out like water in a broken vessel. 

Then a year ago I was challenged to read Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts


I was introduced to the amazing wonder of naming the things I’m thankful off. Living in Eucharisteo

Eucharisteo - thanksgiving - always precedes the miracle, and I experienced it.  

But there was another layer. 

I had to read all the way to the ninth chapter. It caught me totally by surprise! 
“Expectations kill relationships”

Ann Voskamp shares about her valley wise and grief traveled mother: 

“I’ve known expectations as a disease, silent killer heaping her burdens on the shoulders of a relationship until a soul bursts a pulmonary and dies.”

Isn’t this so true? 

My expectation in a situation, in people, in God, constantly robbed me from simply receiving what is gracefully offered to me by a Gracious, loving God. 

Often these expectations are birthed in self - demanding my will; the belief that I deserve more. Simply put - pride.

And I read the convicting words:

“Only self can kill joy” 
“The demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers out joy - nothing else.”
“Pride slays thanksgiving, … A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.”

And I had to let go. I had to let go of expectations, my will and everything I thought I deserved. 



And I read more:
“Is it only when our lives are emptied that we’re surprised by how truly full our lives were? Instead of filling with expectations, the joy-filled expect nothing - and are filled.” 
“Thankfully, God never gives what is deserved, but instead, God graciously, passionately offers gifts…”

I had to face the truth:

It is all grace. 

It has nothing to do with how good or bad I am and when I fail I’m worthless and a failure. I have to open my hands and let go, and only when I open my hands and let go of ME, will I be able to receive. 

And I’m in desperate need to receive.

To.Receive.God’s.Grace.

And extend it to myself.


And this is why Counting the Gifts is slowly changing my life. I’m not nearly there. I’m a doer, I’m always on the hurry. Being in a hurry, running for the next best thing, kills my joy in the moment.  But when I count the gifts, I stop and realize, Life is not an Emergency (Ann Voskamp). My life is filled to the brim with God’s Gifts to me, gifts of grace.

And as the end of this year is drawing near, 2012 which I called Eucharisteo, I’m thinking of next year.

Possibly the year of Grace?


But not only to myself, also extending grace to my love ones - to everyone around me.

Because, I’m a work in progress…

With much love
Linnie












My Conviction:
“...the secret of joy’s flame: 
Humbly let go
Let go of trying to do (my expectations);
 let go of trying to control (this control freak);
let go of my own way (my perfectionism); 
let go of my own fears (not trusting God, because expectations kill relationships - especially with God.)”  
Ann Voskamp, italics my words added.

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