I Don’t Want To Be Like Chocolate!

Over the past few months, Heidi-Mari and I got hooked on the Lindt Chocolate Studio.  In October   CJ, Heidi-Mari, Josua, Christo and I did the Chocolate Appreciation Course as part of Christo’s birthday celebration. 

It was such a treat!  I never knew it was possible to experience chocolate with all 5 senses and having so much fun decorating Lindor lollies!

Then a few weeks ago Heidi-Mari and I went on the Chocolate Decoration Course!
  

This was quite an intense course. 

Before we could even start making any exotic chocolate decorations, we had to learn about the very delicate structure of chocolate.

A few interesting things about chocolate:

When melted chocolate returns to solid form, the cocoa butter in the chocolate forms a crystal structure. The strange or amazing, depending on who you're talking to, thing about cocoa butter is, it can crystallize in six different forms.  The crystal structure they take on depends on the temperature at which they are formed. If the chocolate is allowed to cool on its own, the crystals of fat will be loose, resulting in a chocolate that is dull in appearance, with white or gray streaks, soft & malleable, greasy to the touch and a chalky taste.  

That can be quite unappetizing.

Below is a table of the six crystal structures of cocoa butter (thanks to Wikipedia.com), the temperature at which the crystal is formed and their characteristics:

Crystal	Temperature	Characteristics
I	17°C   (63°F)	Soft, crumbly, melts too easily.
II	21°C   (70°F)	Soft, crumbly, melts too easily
III	26°C   (78°F)	Firm, poor snap, melts too easily.
IV	28°C   (82°F)	Firm, good snap, melts too easily.
V	34°C   (94°F)	Glossy, firm, best snap, melts near body temperature (37°C).
VI	36°C   (97°F)	Hard, takes weeks to form.

Making chocolate considered "good" is about forming as many type V crystals as possible, which results in a shiny, smooth in appearance and taste Chocolate, and it breaks with an audible snap.  After the Chocolate Appreciation course that is just as an important point, as the melting sensation in your mouth or the amazing aroma of different cocoa beans. 

So how do you go about to produce enough ‘good’ stable crystals so the chocolate will harden into a very stable hard chocolate with a slight sheen, snap when broken, and will keep for months at cool room temperature? Well, that was exactly what our very experienced Chocolatiers taught us for the first hour of our course!  You have to temper the chocolate -  forming the most of the type V crystals by carefully manipulating the temperature during the crystallization.

At first all six forms of crystals have to melt (different temperatures for dark, milk and white chocolate too!) Then the chocolate is cooled while solid chocolate is stirred into the melted chocolate to ‘inoculate’ the liquid chocolate with crystals (again different temperatures for dark, milk and white chocolate).  Crystal types IV and V will form.

The chocolate is then gently warmed to working temperature, eliminating any type IV crystals, leaving just the type V (again at different temperatures for dark, milk and white chocolate).  After this point, any excessive heating of the chocolate will destroy the temper and the whole process will have to be repeated.

The chocolate has to be kept at the tempering temperature while being used.

On Saturday, Heidi-Mari and I tried tempering our own chocolate for the first time!  We had all the right tools, the right chocolate, and were excited! 

One hour after we started tempering, it was clear we did something wrong and the chocolate didn’t want to set.  Somewhere along the process it was exposed to too much heat!  It was so sad.  We had to start all over again.  Thankfully you can use the same chocolate again, just add a fresh batch ‘seeds’ or solid already tempered chocolate.  The second time we were successful and we could start our chocolate decorations!

But what an effort.  The whole time we had to keep an eye on the chocolate’s temperature. The chocolate would cool down below the ideal temperature range, then we had to heat it up, but extremely careful to not overheat it.  All the time we tried to enjoy the moment, but it was a stretch!  

And while I was in the flesh, thinking of chocolate, searching the internet for some more tips on how to ensure perfect tempering with the first attempt, I was in spirit studying the Fruit of the Spirit, yearning to be more of Jesus, especially for my husband and children.

This week I studied Gentleness.  According to the Spirit Filled Life Bible’s Word Wealth, Gentleness is: A disposition that is even-tempered, tranquil, balanced in spirit, unpretentious, and that has the passions under control!  The person who possesses this quality pardons injuries, corrects faults and rules his own spirit well.

And it hit me like cold water!!  The opposite of gentleness is to be like chocolate!

I recently listened to a teaching by John Maxwell.  He teach specifically on leadership. I love listening to his teachings when I have the time.  A mother is a leader - probably the most important, influential leader in all the world, leading foolish and immature human beings,to become mature people who can change the world!  In this teaching by John Maxwell, he specifically focus on leaders who are high maintenance leaders.  Leaders who are more impeding, than leading.  More path blockers, than path finders. 

As I reflected the implication on me as leader in my home, I had to ask myself: “am I leading or am I impeding?”  Am I a path finder or a path blocker, a high maintenance leader and the biggest problem in my own home? I once heard, “Mothers is not supposed to loose it, they are supposed to find it.”

Immediately I saw the correlation between a high maintenance Mother and chocolate!  

Sadly I pinpointed some characteristics of a high maintenance leader in myself.

• Wide, mood swings

I’m a drama queen, one day up and the other day down, often it is impossible to quite figure out where I am. Some days I’m not approachable at all and my family have to tip toe around me.  My wide mood swings cause them to stay on edge, kills consistent communication, having them on guard all the time.  It’s especially weary on my dear husband and older children.

• Not in control of my passions

I’m a passionate person.  I do everything with passion, unfortunately not only the good things, also when things get stressed and I’m not in control, I react passionately wrong! When I’m busy with something I struggle to leave it to help a little one or stop when time doesn’t allow to carry on.  

• Overload and under underpowered

I often overload my children with tasks, without making sure they understand or have the physical or emotional ability to do the task. The results, a low moral and lost of creativity.

• Think of themselves first

How often I’m concerned about how am I going to look when my children are acting foolishly. Or even worse, what is going to happen to me, in a difficult situation? Selfishness is a sure sign of insecurity.  Did I mentioned I’m insecure? 

I often manipulate others, devalue servanthood, undermine teamwork, and bring out the worse in my children. 

According to Maxwell, leaders cannot afford to be insecure.  Leadership needs maturity, it is hard work, high expectations!

Leaders need to be responsible and accountable to themselves and others;

Leaders need to set positive examples and are valued by their production;

Leaders are subject to others opinions and continually face people challenges;

Leaders serve.

• Negative

A negative attitude make everyone around me sad.  Negativity limit creativity, fail to express gratitude, hinder communication, is the lid on the growth of the people in my home.

Now, there are three kinds of people.

1. People who know their weaknesses, but that are unwilling to change;
2. People who is to insecure to ask, “What am I doing wrong.”
3. People who know their weaknesses and change.

Since I’ve studied gentleness, I’m conscientious to be even-tempered. I especially take care to be balanced in spirit and have my passions under control. I don’t want to be like chocolate.  Just the slightest change in temperature or drop of water added and its a mess  and you have to start all over. 

Thankfully our Heavenly Father is a Father of second chances and we can always start over. 

I’m up to the challenge to change, I no longer want to be a high maintenance Mother, it is weary on my family and weary on me too!  

Who is taking up the challenge with me? Face the facts, dear Mother and let the truth set you free!! 

In 2 Peter 1:2-8, Peter (a man of great passion, who allowed God to temper him) encourage us with:

“Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, 3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Fruitful Growth in the Faith

   

5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

I need knowledge of the Word of God, along with diligence, self control and perseverance, to see sweet fruit in my home. What do you need to be tempered? 

Come my fellow Mothers, are you up to the challenge?  You are welcome to share your challenge or part of it, in the comments below.

With much love

Linnie

Book Review: Managers of Their Chores

Why is it so difficult for mothers and even more specific, for homeschooling mothers to expect from their children to do chores in the home?  In our home I didn’t expect my children to do chores when there were only two or three of them in the home.  I didn’t know what I could expect of them and to be honest I didn’t have the time or energy to teach them chores. On top of it I believed they are only children once and need this time in their lives to play and have fun.  

But then there were a shift in our family life. We decided to leave our family planning to the Lord and started homeschooling our children. The following 8 years our family doubled from five to ten.    During this time, some of my pregnancies left me ill for weeks, or even months and I just had to involve my children in chores. The older children were forced to take care of simple meals, cleaning the kitchen after making sandwiches, pick up toys/clothes and vacuum before daddy came home at the end of the day. They had to do washing, put washing on the line (as soon as they were tall enough to reach the line), fold and put away underwear and socks. They also had to keep demanding toddlers busy and take care of simple needs of the toddlers.

Today all my children from little Michael 17 months old and Daniel almost 3 years old, up to CJ 16 years old are fully involved in chores in our home. Every one have a set of chores every day of the week, cleaning and laundry, preparing meals, lay the table, undo the table, cleaning the fire place, taking care of little ones and assisting in homeschooling pre school siblings.

But, I do experience reluctance and bad attitudes in performing chores, from some children more than other on a daily basis.  This is very frustrating in my daily walk of life,  it disturbs the peaceful atmosphere in the home which is crucial for a positive learning environment. It fills me with anger and discouragement, robbing my gentle and quiet spirit! It is my hearts desire that my children will do their chores with a cheerful, thankful heart without me having to remind them of every single chore, which has to be done!

Typical me, I wanted to get to the core of the problem.

One of the biggest problems, is me being a first generation homeschooling mother. Being a first generation homeschooling mother, influenced me in a way, leaving me inadequate to administrate chores.  

Let me explain: Like most other first generation homeschooling mothers I grew up in a family were children were sent to school, the mothers were home all day while the children attended school.  Because the children attended school, the mother had at least six or more hours a day to devote to housecleaning, laundry and organizing. Alternatively, the mothers worked and had domestic help in housecleaning and laundry. 

Since we were in school while housecleaning, laundry and organizing took place, we weren’t around while cleaning and organizing took place.  Our mothers didn’t deem it necessary to show us how to clean or organize or didn’t have the time to show us, if they were working. 

As a result First Generation Homeschooling Moms, like me, did not know herself how to clean and organize her home and she’s not au fait with teaching her children chores.  I didn’t have a reference to start with and had no experience in children performing chores in the home.

Therefore I got the book Managers Of Their Chores by Teri Maxwell. Teri Maxwell is the Mother of eight children and has been Homeschooling since 1985. 

Here is an excerpt from Chapter One: 

“Scripture lays a strong foundation directing us toward the importance of work and service.  Proverbs suggests we look at ants and learn from them what it means to be responsible and work. ‘Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest.’ Pr. 6:6-8

We see in the New Testament that Jesus call believers to a life of service.  ‘If then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet, ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.  Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither is he that is sent greater than he that sent him’ John 13:14-16.

We know from experience that serving involves work.  Scripture doesn’t specifically mention chores, but parents are admonished to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).  We believe one facet of this is to raise children who have willing hearts to serve others.  Teaching our children with chores can greatly influence whether they have servants’ hearts and are able to set self aside.

Scripture is clear.  ‘Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap’ (Gal 6:7).

We reap what we sow in virtually every area of life including what we sow into our children’s lives.  Whether or not a child is required to do chores will affect his preparation for home management.  It will also influence his work ethic as an adult.  It moves into the spiritual realm of the reality of a walk with Christ.  Through something as mundane, but profound, as chores, one can learn to discern the promptings of the Spirit and then walk in obedience.”

As I read through the first pages of Managers of their Chores, I recognized words that I long for in my children.  ‘Willing hearts‘ and ‘set self aside‘  I also recognized attitudes due to a lack of these attributes. How often do I see discontented mothers, with complaining attitudes. I do believe the most determining factors of a joyful life in Christ is a willing, thankful, servant heart.  From experience I know the previous generation of mothers and fathers didn’t expect their children to perform chores in the home.  The 1980’s was, especially in South Africa, a very prosperous time.  Is that one of the reasons why we currently reap a generation of bitter, discontented women, around the age of 40?

I came to believe children’s chores are the highest priority in my home; musts, rather than optionals.  Chores surely develop character qualities to be a mature, productive adult:

1. Establishing good habits;
2. Developing diligence;
3. Learning to persevere through something that isn’t easy or isn’t enjoyable;
4. Becomes thorough in what they do;
5. Becomes a responsible adult;
6. Assist children to become adults who are good stewards of their time and what God has entrusted to them.

These are only a few of the character qualities which are developed in children when chores are expected from them on a regular basis. With every single one of these character qualities I could identify. 

Most of you know by now that I’m a very easily distracted person. Habits, being thorough in what I’m doing and being a good steward of my time, wasn’t a well developed character quality when I started my adult life. But, since I’m a keeper of my home and homeschooling mommy, these character qualities definitely developed in my life!  How much further could I have been in maturity, if chores were expected of me, while I was still a child!

In the past I only needed my children to perform tasks in the home, since I alone couldn’t get to everything. Now I’m expecting chores and managing chores, because I want to send well balanced and mature adults into the world whom the Lord can use for His glory.  Time is precious, I don’t want to waste their time.

I want to challenge you to open your mind and heart to a very difficult, highly important aspect of parenting - investing you time in teaching your child chores. 

“If we reap what we sow, what will we sow in our children’s lives?”

With love

Linnie

Moving Forward!

An imperfect human being, rotten to the core!

That is me!  I have still so many personal issues to sort out. I’m impatient, get angry easily and from time to time have a bad attitude.  I’m very easily distracted and my house is more often than not in a mess.  I can write in the dust on my furniture, things easily loose their places, lay around and clutter is an unwanted guest in almost every room!  To top it all, I take on projects I don’t have time for, and therefore buckle under my own dead lines.  In this season of my life I don’t practice hospitality as much as I would like to! My children throw tantrums, complain over chores and bicker between each other, due to my high pace lifestyle and impatient personality…!

Most of the time I’m sober minded about my circumstances and personality, knowing this is a season, but then once in a while the ‘comparing monster’ jumps on me and blows my circumstances and personality to pieces in my mind and I hit the bottom of a well! During the past week, I read about extremely well organized and self controlled mothers with their well groomed families and experienced guilt, hopelessness, worthlessness, the list went on and on!  If only I could parent like that, organize my house like that, be more patient, homeschool more effectively, have more time for hospitality

My dear husband who always gives me perspective on days like these, was out of town, and I longed to have a long heart to heart talk with one of my mentors in Mothering and ask her advice. What is my #1 mistake, how can I change this, where must I start? But I soon realized, I didn’t need to ask, I already knew the answer.  

She (as well as my husband!) would answer, “It is not important - get over it! Stop comparing yourself!”  What is important is where am I in my journey to maturity, am I growing in Godly character and am I becoming more holy!  Yes, that is what it is all about.  Where I’m coming from is history! I can do nothing about yesterday.  But God do expect from me to trust Him for tomorrow and put on the New woMan!

How am I doing in becoming a new woMan? Am I allowing God to work perfection and completion in me through my trials, sinful nature and weaknesses? Am I moving forward in maturity, growing in character and becoming more holy every day?

Yesterday is over and done!  But I can trust God for a new today!  Trust God to work in me and transform me, that one day I would patiently work without anger, impatience and bad attitudes.  One day I might even be able to de-clutter and organize my home. Faithfully dust my furniture.  I do trust one day I will be able to manage my time wisely and finish my projects, without unrealistic dead lines.  One day, hopefully soon, my children will be without discontentment and bickering, through my Godly example and faithful training.

And if the Lord in His wisdom didn’t give me the gift of organizing I will be content.  You might walk into my home and I’ll need to quickly pick up toys.  

Please be patient with me - I’m still working on my issues, you might pass me in the supermarket, and witness me lacking the fruit of the spirit.  Because my children and I are sinful human beings, you might find us in a selfish act. 

In all of this I will rejoice in the Lord, He promised He will never leave me, nor forsake me and surely will in me to move forward!  I will choose to have grace on myself. He that started the good work in me will finish it.

And so that night I went to bed, humbled before my God, repenting from my sin of discontentment and self-pity and with an expectation to let myself be more Spirit filled and led by the Spirit! But life is hard! That night Michael woke up almost every hour and I didn’t get much sleep and overslept the next morning!  What a way to start my new day!

But oh, God is faithful! As I opened my eyes, the sun shined through the curtains with a brightness unknown for a winter morning in the Cape! Let me interrupt myself for a second.  We live in the most beautiful part of South Africa, but currently it is winter here and in the Cape of Good Hope winters means rain and mist!  If it isn’t raining, the mist will hover until noon!

This day was totally different, and may I add, it was forecast to be a rainy day! The day looked fresh and new, no sign of clouds or mist. It was calling me to take everything out of it, as much as I possibly could!

Immediately I knew this was a special gift from the Lord to me, almost like a token to show me, his grace is new and fresh every morning! Even though Satan may want me to believe it is hopeless to be become a new woMan!  God has grace on me, but I must make His grace mine and pass it on to my children.  

So to say YES to His grace, and determined to extend His grace to my children, I decided to take my children out into nature and enjoy the beauty of the day! 

Since we are studying farm animals I searched for a place where the little ones could have a farm experience, but I couldn’t find any and we settled for the Tygerberg Zoo, only 20 minutes from us.  CJ, Heidi-Mari and I visited the zoo, 12 years ago. With great anticipation we packed lunch and was on our way!

What a blessed day!  Normally planning for a picnic lunch for 9-10 people puts huge stress on me and makes me freak out, even before we leave home!  But there was a quietness in my soul.  I put the expectation I had of a perfect picnic lunch with all the right food out of my mind, and just made do with what we had. 

What a great picnic we had!  Dressing all the little children and be on our way by a certain time, is another mission!  Even that ran smoothly.  The reason, I let God! I put my agenda aside and asked God what he wanted to be done.  God is concerned about the little people in my home!  

What a privilege to have my day filled with the people nearest to God’s heart - children!  

In my drivenness I often miss my children and God’s heart. 

That morning I was so aware of my children's souls and God’s heart!  Through the day, I enjoyed each of my children’s emotions and actions!  Being a homeschooling Mom of many children I’ve always been sensitive to my children, it is my job! But God renewed me during that night!  

There was something new to my awareness!  

There was also something new to the way I talked to my children, the way I disciplined my children, the way I take them in account when asking them to do something, the way I could laugh with them and enjoy the day to the full!

Yes, I’m an imperfect human being, rotten to the core, so aware of all my sinfulness and selfishness, but oh, so open to God’s grace and interference, His teachings, His truths and His overflowing love for me and my children!

Thank you Lord! 

With love

Linnie   

"I will be confident of this, that He who began a good work in me, 

will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." 

Phil 1:6 

This post features on the South African Carnival of Homeschool Bloggers where South African home schoolers share experiences, ideas, philosophies and much more.  You can join the carnival too by heading to the South African Carnival of Homeschool Bloggers sign up page.   In the meantime, please feel free to browse through the links on this page to some awesome South African home school blogs!