Growing

During school holidays I aim to take one child at a time with me when I have to run errands. On Tuesday it was Andrew’s turn. He is my passionate child, with the small heart. 

Quality time is his love language. Needless to say, he loved every moment alone with me. 

The one thing that stand out for me when being with him alone, is the kind of questions and things he talks about. He has such an inquisitive mind and loves asking questions.

On Tuesday, out of the blue, he wanted to know how we grow, as he observed his too long fingernails which I forgot to cut before we left. Do we grow a piece at a time, or do we grow constantly? As I started an elaborate detailed explanation, as the constant changes in our bodies are quite a difficult concept to explain to an 8 year old, while driving - another picture come to mind.

I thought about spiritual growth

We do not have much control of our bodies’ growth, or as we get older (where I’m now), the slow degeneration of our bodies. We can take care of our diet. Eating organic food as far possible, avoiding fast foods, colourants, genetically modified foods, MSG and preservatives to give optimum growth and prevent degenerating at a fast rate. We can take anti-oxidants, vitamins and Omegas to revitalize our cells, and drink 2-3 liters of water to wash away cellular waste. All these precautions can help us have optimum and quality life.

Change is part of the cycle of life. Physically we will always have change. But we are not only body, we are also spirit and soul and in our spiritual life we will also have constant change. We can either grow and move forward or choose a comfort zone and back slide slowly. I read the other day ‘Create a new comfort zone.” When you are in a comfort zone and nothing is challenging you, you might be at a dangerous place.   A comfort zone can easily become a place of no growth. After all, what is there to depend on God for when we have everything under control? 

God wants us to move our boundaries, conquer new territory for Him, do new things for Him, reach people in His name for His glory. But in moving our boundaries, stepping out of our comfort zones, we will surely stumble into overwhelming circumstances. You will feel out of control, afraid, inexperienced, “the wrong man for the job”.  

And that is exactly what you are supposed to feel when you are in a spiritual challenging situation, out of you comfort zone.  When you can do nothing out of our own, you can only walk with the Lord Jesus in total dependence. It is in these circumstances that you grow, that you learn more about God, who you are and how to trust Him for more.

After all, when you move the boundaries, transcending the ordinary and starts to encroach on new territory for God, guess whose turf you’re invading? You are conquering territory for the Lord which belong to the World, to Satan. It will call for great faith, great dependence on the Lord for His supernatural power working through you. In the process we will be filled more with the Spirit and we will grow spiritually.

I remember a story by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson, years ago while he was still in seminary. He was in conversation with a fellow student and his mentor, Professor Howard Hendricks.  The student was excited to tell Dr. Hendricks how well his life was going.

“When I first came here,” he said, “I was so tempted and tested I could barely keep my head above water. But now - praise God! - my life at seminary has smoothed out. I’m not being tempted hardly at all!” 

But Hendricks looked deeply alarmed - not the reaction the student was expecting. 

“That’s about the worst thing I could have heard,” he told the surprised senior. 

“That shows me that you’re no longer in the battle! Satan isn’t worried about you anymore.” 

Are you still in the battle? Are you still stepping out in faith, redeeming territory for the Lord, living in total dependence on Jesus? Do you allow these circumstances to let you grow spiritually, or do you enjoy your comfort zone? Playing it safe, tolerant and blending in?

Remember Peter stepping out of the boat, walking on the water depending on Jesus alone?

Whatever you do this week, don’t be hesitant to live a life for the Lord. Be bold, living in totally dependence, pleasing the Lord by living in faith!

With love

Linnie

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Thank you Friends!

The Hard Thank You's

At the end of 2011 I longed to name the year 2012, Eucharisteo - a year of deliberately giving thanks to the Lord.  Little did I know, God wants to unveil to me one of His character traits I didn’t quite understand and He sparked in me the desire to give thanks, not just a mere ‘new year’s resolution’. 

It is Satan’s ultimate goal to make me believe God is not good. Since the time of Eve in the Garden it was his gaol to deceive us humans. From as early as my childhood he would make me doubt God’s love, through the lie of focusing on feelings of rejection, disappointment, failure, periods of fear and anxiety. In the process these feelings weakened my trust in my Loving Father, to work all things for my good.  

I recently started reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts.  I was not at all expecting God to address my lack of trust. God at first only introduced to me the habit of giving thanks. After reading the first chapter or two, I didn’t read for a few weeks, and just tried to establish the habit of giving thanks on an ongoing basis. Making giving thanks a habit is not just ‘slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life.  That leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life’ (Ann Voskamp). A habit of thanksgiving includes to name the things I’m thankful for.  I really struggled to make it a habit.  I first had to recognize my habit of complaining, discontentment, feeling empty, asking for more. After identifying this bad habit, I deeply desired to change.  But, I couldn’t merely decide to stop the bad habit and start the new thanksgiving habit. I had to drive out the bad habit, and in the same time fill the empty space with the new habit. This was a challenge, but I believed, I could. It is fairly easy to give thanks when life is running relatively smooth.  A few up and downs here and there, some things not quite as you planned, but still there are so much to be thankful for.

While I was working on my habit of giving thanks , I made progress in reading more in One Thousand Gifts.  To my surprise I discovered giving thanks in everything, feeds trust. Count blessings and discover Who can be counted on… (Ann Voskamp). What an interesting, new idea!  The more I read and succeed in the new habit of giving thanks, the more it fed my trust in God.

I was even more convinced by reading Phil 4:6, with ‘new eyes’. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Giving thanks, trusting God and make your requests known to God all in the same sentences. 

But what about giving thanks in a world of certain loss? Those times when it feels like life itself is giving away underneath us.  Times when dreams are crushed down, when we have no control. When pain, disappointment, uncertainty and fear is everywhere. Trusting God’s goodness, having faith, thanking God during these times is a tough call! In my perception a person would need a very special gift to even consider giving thanks. But every time when Jesus performed a miracle He first gave thanks.  Most of all He gave thanks hours before He gave His life as a ransom for us, performing the miracle of winning back eternal life for sinful human beings. And I’m back where I was when I named the year 2012 Eucharisteo - longing for more miracles in my life, giving thanks in everything, including the impossible - giving thanks in difficult situations.  

Most of all I was thankful that I wasn’t in a particular challenging season in my life.  Life was good.

But life can change in the blink of an eye...

Two weeks ago I experienced symptoms/signs that reminded me of my miscarriage in March last year. Life caved in on me - not again! Please Lord, not again, I cannot do this! By Wednesday noon I was laying, waiting for an ultrasound scan... and the monitor was silent... no heartbeat for my tiny, tiny baby. Baby was developed to about 8 weeks, although I was 11 weeks pregnant.  

In the next 24 hours, fear was creeping in on me, it was all over me.  Fear for living life!  Fear for the unknown of the next few days. Fear for my own health. Fear of not being able to stay strong for my children. Fear for losing the joy of my family.  Fear for my oldest daughter who was devastated by the news. Fear for how this news will influence my dear husband who was already carrying a heavy load. Fear for what this year of 2012 has still in store for me.

Doubt of God’s goodness was a natural reaction.  But due to the habit that was now almost established in my daily life, I was desperately looking for thank you’s, thank you’s that would precede the miracle. And the miracle did follow! I experienced my God as I never have before.  God was everywhere. Never before did I see His fingerprints over my daily life as during that week. I couldn’t help but give thanks for how He was guiding me through heart breaking pain. 

I was giving thanks in the heart breaking situation. Writing them down, one painful memory after the other - giving thanks. These Thank You’s are so personal, but I have to write them here, declaring victory over the Enemy of my soul, reminding me: God is good, all the time.

#37 Thankful for running into our trusted doctor friend on Monday night, as Christo and I walked to the car after our date night.  On Wednesday he would write my ‘referring letter for the ultrasound

#38 Thankful for a dear friend who delivered a message from God, of love, grace and encouragement the morning my dream was crashed down, without her knowing what was happening in my live

#39 Thankful for the network of Godly women who is currently intimately walking with me the Hello Mornings challenge. So much love, encouragement, prayer for us as a family.

#40 Thankful for the friendly personnel at the Radiologist’s, who fit me into their very busy schedule, even before my Dr’s letter came through the fax machine

#41  Thankful for a sonar picture of my baby

#42 Thankful for my understanding, caring, loving husband who stays strong for me, while he carries his own share of problems, worries and his own dreams for this baby crashed down, constantly pointing me back to my faith in the Lord

#43 Thankful for my strong oldest son with the gentle spirit who took me to the ultrasound, held my hand all the way and showered me with love and care in a very dark hour

#44 Thankful for what ever the Lord is teaching my dearest oldest daughter in the safety of her parents home, through her deepest pain and disappointment in losing another sibling

#45 Thankful for people smiling on me in the supermarket a few days later, while shopping with my five little ones, calling me blessed, delivering me a personal love letter from God, reminding me I am blessed

#46 Thankful for the song God put in my heart minutes before we left for the sonar:

“Be strong and take courage

Do not fear or be dismayed

For the Lord will go before you

And His light will show the way

Be strong and take courage

Do not fear or be dismayed

For the one who lives within you

Will be strong in you today”

#47 Thankful for the same song the next morning, while I was crying my heart out before the Lord:

Why don' you give him all of your fears

Why don't you let him wipe all of your tears

He knows, He's been through pain before

And He knows all that you've been looking for

So,…

#48 Thankful for the most beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered by a dear, dear friend, reminding me of the beauty all around me

#49 Thankful for the most beautiful pictures I’ve taken of my tummy

#50 Thankful for the pictures dear Heidi-Mary took of the little ones gathered around my growing tummy, already loving and caring for their little baby brother or sister

#51 Thankful for all my children who are around me, every day of my life, but especially during these days, to comfort me, love me, remind me of the purpose of my life.

#52 Thankful for this season of bearing and raising children

#53 Thankful for the privilege to be part of giving life to another Eternal Human Being who is right now praising and glorifying our Lord in Heaven, alongside his/her 4 siblings

#54 Thankful for the hope of having eternity with these 5 precious children

#55 Thankful for God’s timing of my miscarriage, early morning, while Christo was still at home, to help me

#56 Thankful that I didn’t need to go into hospital.

And as I was giving thanks, I could breathe again, fear was pushing away from me, further and further away. Replaced by faith and trust in my loving Father. Peace and true thankfulness was all over me.   I could get out of bed, not afraid of what the day will hold.  I am not alone - God is all around me, knowing my pain even before I know, going before me, carrying me, holding me, caring for me, loving me with His deepest love.

Often we will only be able to see through our pain when we look back, in the rearview mirror, after driving long, long distances. Maybe sometimes about as far as heaven - and therefore I can only keep giving thanks, stop questioning my Father’s love. And in giving thanks, I feed trust. Trust that God’s love, God grace will never ends.

Much love

Linnie

He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

So we may boldly say:

"The Lord is my helper;

I will not fear.

Hebr. 13:5-6

This post is linked with:

Raising Homemakers

Women Living Well Wednesday

Encourage One Another

I Don’t Want To Be Like Chocolate!

Over the past few months, Heidi-Mari and I got hooked on the Lindt Chocolate Studio.  In October   CJ, Heidi-Mari, Josua, Christo and I did the Chocolate Appreciation Course as part of Christo’s birthday celebration. 

It was such a treat!  I never knew it was possible to experience chocolate with all 5 senses and having so much fun decorating Lindor lollies!

Then a few weeks ago Heidi-Mari and I went on the Chocolate Decoration Course!
  

This was quite an intense course. 

Before we could even start making any exotic chocolate decorations, we had to learn about the very delicate structure of chocolate.

A few interesting things about chocolate:

When melted chocolate returns to solid form, the cocoa butter in the chocolate forms a crystal structure. The strange or amazing, depending on who you're talking to, thing about cocoa butter is, it can crystallize in six different forms.  The crystal structure they take on depends on the temperature at which they are formed. If the chocolate is allowed to cool on its own, the crystals of fat will be loose, resulting in a chocolate that is dull in appearance, with white or gray streaks, soft & malleable, greasy to the touch and a chalky taste.  

That can be quite unappetizing.

Below is a table of the six crystal structures of cocoa butter (thanks to Wikipedia.com), the temperature at which the crystal is formed and their characteristics:

Crystal	Temperature	Characteristics
I	17°C   (63°F)	Soft, crumbly, melts too easily.
II	21°C   (70°F)	Soft, crumbly, melts too easily
III	26°C   (78°F)	Firm, poor snap, melts too easily.
IV	28°C   (82°F)	Firm, good snap, melts too easily.
V	34°C   (94°F)	Glossy, firm, best snap, melts near body temperature (37°C).
VI	36°C   (97°F)	Hard, takes weeks to form.

Making chocolate considered "good" is about forming as many type V crystals as possible, which results in a shiny, smooth in appearance and taste Chocolate, and it breaks with an audible snap.  After the Chocolate Appreciation course that is just as an important point, as the melting sensation in your mouth or the amazing aroma of different cocoa beans. 

So how do you go about to produce enough ‘good’ stable crystals so the chocolate will harden into a very stable hard chocolate with a slight sheen, snap when broken, and will keep for months at cool room temperature? Well, that was exactly what our very experienced Chocolatiers taught us for the first hour of our course!  You have to temper the chocolate -  forming the most of the type V crystals by carefully manipulating the temperature during the crystallization.

At first all six forms of crystals have to melt (different temperatures for dark, milk and white chocolate too!) Then the chocolate is cooled while solid chocolate is stirred into the melted chocolate to ‘inoculate’ the liquid chocolate with crystals (again different temperatures for dark, milk and white chocolate).  Crystal types IV and V will form.

The chocolate is then gently warmed to working temperature, eliminating any type IV crystals, leaving just the type V (again at different temperatures for dark, milk and white chocolate).  After this point, any excessive heating of the chocolate will destroy the temper and the whole process will have to be repeated.

The chocolate has to be kept at the tempering temperature while being used.

On Saturday, Heidi-Mari and I tried tempering our own chocolate for the first time!  We had all the right tools, the right chocolate, and were excited! 

One hour after we started tempering, it was clear we did something wrong and the chocolate didn’t want to set.  Somewhere along the process it was exposed to too much heat!  It was so sad.  We had to start all over again.  Thankfully you can use the same chocolate again, just add a fresh batch ‘seeds’ or solid already tempered chocolate.  The second time we were successful and we could start our chocolate decorations!

But what an effort.  The whole time we had to keep an eye on the chocolate’s temperature. The chocolate would cool down below the ideal temperature range, then we had to heat it up, but extremely careful to not overheat it.  All the time we tried to enjoy the moment, but it was a stretch!  

And while I was in the flesh, thinking of chocolate, searching the internet for some more tips on how to ensure perfect tempering with the first attempt, I was in spirit studying the Fruit of the Spirit, yearning to be more of Jesus, especially for my husband and children.

This week I studied Gentleness.  According to the Spirit Filled Life Bible’s Word Wealth, Gentleness is: A disposition that is even-tempered, tranquil, balanced in spirit, unpretentious, and that has the passions under control!  The person who possesses this quality pardons injuries, corrects faults and rules his own spirit well.

And it hit me like cold water!!  The opposite of gentleness is to be like chocolate!

I recently listened to a teaching by John Maxwell.  He teach specifically on leadership. I love listening to his teachings when I have the time.  A mother is a leader - probably the most important, influential leader in all the world, leading foolish and immature human beings,to become mature people who can change the world!  In this teaching by John Maxwell, he specifically focus on leaders who are high maintenance leaders.  Leaders who are more impeding, than leading.  More path blockers, than path finders. 

As I reflected the implication on me as leader in my home, I had to ask myself: “am I leading or am I impeding?”  Am I a path finder or a path blocker, a high maintenance leader and the biggest problem in my own home? I once heard, “Mothers is not supposed to loose it, they are supposed to find it.”

Immediately I saw the correlation between a high maintenance Mother and chocolate!  

Sadly I pinpointed some characteristics of a high maintenance leader in myself.

• Wide, mood swings

I’m a drama queen, one day up and the other day down, often it is impossible to quite figure out where I am. Some days I’m not approachable at all and my family have to tip toe around me.  My wide mood swings cause them to stay on edge, kills consistent communication, having them on guard all the time.  It’s especially weary on my dear husband and older children.

• Not in control of my passions

I’m a passionate person.  I do everything with passion, unfortunately not only the good things, also when things get stressed and I’m not in control, I react passionately wrong! When I’m busy with something I struggle to leave it to help a little one or stop when time doesn’t allow to carry on.  

• Overload and under underpowered

I often overload my children with tasks, without making sure they understand or have the physical or emotional ability to do the task. The results, a low moral and lost of creativity.

• Think of themselves first

How often I’m concerned about how am I going to look when my children are acting foolishly. Or even worse, what is going to happen to me, in a difficult situation? Selfishness is a sure sign of insecurity.  Did I mentioned I’m insecure? 

I often manipulate others, devalue servanthood, undermine teamwork, and bring out the worse in my children. 

According to Maxwell, leaders cannot afford to be insecure.  Leadership needs maturity, it is hard work, high expectations!

Leaders need to be responsible and accountable to themselves and others;

Leaders need to set positive examples and are valued by their production;

Leaders are subject to others opinions and continually face people challenges;

Leaders serve.

• Negative

A negative attitude make everyone around me sad.  Negativity limit creativity, fail to express gratitude, hinder communication, is the lid on the growth of the people in my home.

Now, there are three kinds of people.

1. People who know their weaknesses, but that are unwilling to change;
2. People who is to insecure to ask, “What am I doing wrong.”
3. People who know their weaknesses and change.

Since I’ve studied gentleness, I’m conscientious to be even-tempered. I especially take care to be balanced in spirit and have my passions under control. I don’t want to be like chocolate.  Just the slightest change in temperature or drop of water added and its a mess  and you have to start all over. 

Thankfully our Heavenly Father is a Father of second chances and we can always start over. 

I’m up to the challenge to change, I no longer want to be a high maintenance Mother, it is weary on my family and weary on me too!  

Who is taking up the challenge with me? Face the facts, dear Mother and let the truth set you free!! 

In 2 Peter 1:2-8, Peter (a man of great passion, who allowed God to temper him) encourage us with:

“Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, 3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Fruitful Growth in the Faith

   

5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

I need knowledge of the Word of God, along with diligence, self control and perseverance, to see sweet fruit in my home. What do you need to be tempered? 

Come my fellow Mothers, are you up to the challenge?  You are welcome to share your challenge or part of it, in the comments below.

With much love

Linnie