This Dreamer Married A King!

It is no secret that I’m sold out on the book ‘Created to be His Helpmeet’.  When the daughter of a friend suggested I read the book a few years ago, I had lost all the joy and spark in my marriage. I was stressed out being the wife of a ‘very demanding husband’ while having 6 children to take care of 24 hours a day - (the youngest only a few months old)

Within the first page of the book, I knew what was wrong!  I was desperate to make changes for good in my marriage. I have a teachable spirit, I believe the Bible is relevant for today as much as in ancient times and eagerly drank in every word Debi Pearl wrote on being a joyful, thankful wife, who delights herself in being created to be her husband’s greatest gift.  I was purposefully created to fill the needs of my husband!

Since that day it was my biggest desire to be “The Special Woman”, who brings only joy to my husband.  

But it wasn’t easy.  Men has an equally sinful nature as women, being selfish. To please my husband I needed all the wisdom I could get.  In Debi’s book I got a good dose of wisdom in her explanation of  three kinds of men.

A whole new world open up for me.  Let me explain from ‘Created to be His Help Meet”:

Men are not all the same.  Men are created in the image of God and it seems like God made each male to express one side of his triad nature.  

Your husband can be like God the Father, a King.  He can be healing and kind like Jesus, a Priest.  He can be in the image of the Holy Spirit, a Prophet type.

I would like to write about all three kinds of men, but for now only on the one I’ve married:  The King!

The King

A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and on the surface, a deficit in gentleness.  They are born leaders, men who want to move forward, they have a plan.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Kingly man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him.  When you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you to learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority.

He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing his personal feelings or vocation with his wife.  He seems to be sufficient unto himself.  It is awful being shut out - a woman married to a Kingly man, has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal and obedient.  When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme!

She is on call every minute of her day.  Her man want to know where she is, what she is doing and why she is doing it.  He corrects her without thought.  For better of for worse, it is his nature to control.

Married to a Kingly Man, you wear a heavier yoke than most women, but it can be a very rewarding yoke.  You always know exactly what is required of you.

A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory.  If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her.  She will be his closest and sometimes his only confidante.  Over the years the Kingly Man can become more yielding and gentle.

Caution:  Don’t be offended at his lack of serving or helping you in the mundane things of life. He may organize and command someone else to do it.

The Wife of the Kingly type of man can ruin her marriage by failing to honor, obey and reverence her husband’s authority and rule.

The wife of the Kingly type of man can heal her marriage by becoming his adoring Queen, honoring and obeying his every (reasonable and unreasonable) word.  She will dress, act and speak so as to bring him honor everywhere she goes.

After I read this, I could only stand in appreciation for the man God created as my husband!  I could see his whole being in a total different light and understand why and when he did things that annoy me.

Although I got all this wisdom to understand my husband, I still had a hard time to arrange my every day deeds and words under his authority, till I got another book from Debbie Pearl.  Actually it isn’t my book, it is Heidi-Mari’s book.  She got this book from her best friend for her 13th birthday.  “Preparing to be a Help Meet” by Debi Pearl.

In this book Debi Pearl introduces three types of women.  Dreamers, Servants and Go-to-Gals.  The Go-to-Gal is very much the female of the kingly-type-men; the Servant girl the female of the Priest-type-men and the Dreamer Girl the female of the Prophet-type-men.

Let me briefly interrupt myself and say a little about the Prophet-type-men from ‘Created to be His Help Meet’. 

A Prophet is a shaker, changer and dreamer.  These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues.  They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct.  

If they are not wise, they can be real fools who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.  

Prophets are often gifted men or inventors.  They are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line issue.  They love confrontation and hate the status quo.  “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull.  

Prophets is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art or actions.  He is the ‘voice crying out in the wilderness’.  

And it was here that, for me, a lot of puzzle pieces fell into place!  I am a Dreamer!

From ‘Preparing to be A Help Meet’:

A Dreamer like to create, sew, design, paint or write!  The little three-year-old girl that love to dress up like a ballerina or princess (must be why I love making ballet costumes for my girls!)  If you are a Dreamer, then you need to keep your head out of the clouds while dancing your way into your vision for the future! Don’t get involved in projects that take you away from your responsibility to honor your husband!  

Red lights!!!  That is exactly what happens in my life time and time again!  

I will get so involved in my sewing/card making/writing, I will forget to start dinner and remember the Kingly type of man like fine meals served on time and in good order!  He also expect his wife to wait on him hand and foot. He does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him.

There was a small positive part to my Dream-type, I love cooking/baking and  I am an especially good cook, whose gifts are greatly appreciated - if I can serve it on time and in good order!

I could identify with every part of the Dreamer type and I felt so relieved to know I was actually NORMAL!  But instead of being at peace, excepting what God has made me to be, I got to a cross road!  Lord, you created me with this personality-type, that overflow with creativity, passion and impulsivity, but this Dreamer  married a King!  

The King actually needs a Servant girl.  A girl who is a peacemaker, kind and considerate - a sweetheart, ready to serve her king!

I was crying out: “What about my God given gifts and passions, Lord?  Am I just supposed to lay down my abilities and let my husband do his thing?”  And I found my answer in Eph 5:22-24

“22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

Yes! That is exactly the way it is, and No, not at all. The key is to recognize my natural type, not so I can do just what I want, but so I can understand how it might weaken or aid my service to my first in command - my husband!

I know my tendency to get drawn away by my creative projects, can weaken my service to my husband and children, neglecting my household duties, BUT that same tendency can make me serve my husband with a passion in creating excellent meals and taking care of his children by doing projects that involve them, bringing overflowing life into our home! 

About a week ago my impulsive side (part of being a dreamer is to be a ‘little’ unstable in her emotions!) was to the benefit of my marriage relationship.  As Christo was leaving for work, I was really sad to say good bye and I was already missing him.  I was holding him a little longer when he gave me a good bye kiss and told him I’m missing him already.  He pushed me arm length away and asked me to come to work with him.  I could just be there with him in the office, maybe we could go for a coffee and then I could return to the children.  Just there and then I decided that is what I’m going to do and I did!  It was such a blessed morning! 

While enjoying each other’s company and talking about things that stress me, especially my Dreamer personality, which always makes me feel like I’m drawn between two worlds, Christo brought it under my attention, that if it wasn’t for my Dreamer personality, he would be bored with me within 3 days!  My impulsive, intense personality is part of the dynamics in our house and that is what God intended for our family!

Although I’m still battling to manage my time between my husband and my creative side, I thank the Lord for the woman He made me.  I know serving my husband is first, and when my man knows that I am serving him first and foremost, my gifts will become an extension of his gifts. I complete my husband; I don’t compete with him and in accomplishing that, I will seek God even more for wisdom.  Wisdom so I can use my personality for His glory and in making my husband everything he’s supposed to be!

With love

Linnie

Where Do Babies REALLY Come From?

Are children only a result of marriage or are there Someone who open and close the womb?

The past year I have had some interesting conversations with people who knows us well enough to know that we have 8 children. We are looking forward to have even more children since we want all the children the Lord wants to bless us with.  In general conversations about our babies, I would comment that I have come to love babies soooo much and don’t know what I will do when the Lord decides my time for having babies is over.  The other person, would then usually tell me that they will not have anymore babies.  I would often hear that she and her husband had prayed about it and now have peace that the Lord approved that she won’t have anymore babies, most of the time because  of some medical condition or financial or other circumstances.  She would either have had a tubal ligation or he had a vasectomy or they will practice some kind of contraception.

This is a very interesting concept to me. 

Most of the time the people I come into contact with are committed Christians.  People who earnestly seek the Lord’s will for their lives.  People who want to please the Lord and confess that they trust the Lord and know the Lord and has a personal relationship with Him..  How come the area of babies/children don’t fit into their picture of surrendering their lives to the Lord?  What is the motivation behind real committed Christians’ reasoning to believe stopping their own fertility or taking their fertility into their own hands fit into the Lord’s will for their lives?

Another interesting point is:  If it is God’s will for them to not have children anymore, why do they need the tubal ligation, vasectomy or whatever contraception?  If it is  His will, then surely He will not allow pregnancy and they would be ‘safe’ from having more children. Does He really need their intervention? 

What lie makes them believe their God isn’t bigger than their medical condition or financial circumstances?

Is it possible that we are hesitant to trust the Lord with our fertility, since we have a wrong believe system about: Where does babies REALLY come from? The wrong believe that babies is only a result of a s*xual act and that God has actually nothing to do with falling pregnant.  Do they believe that choosing to have no more children and being conformed to the world in this area of their lives, actually doesn’t matter to God so much, since He is not involved?  

Baby CJ

In the Full Quiver, Rick and Jan Hess addresses this issue in answering the question, Where Do Babies Come From?  

(Please note:  The accent of this excerpt  is not on infertility and therefore why do some couples experience infertility, but on contraception and the roll of a couple in contraception.)

There are two ways to answer the question - Where Do Babies Come From?  A proponent of what we will call “philosophy A” would say that babies are simply a product of a random meeting of sperm and egg.  Those who hold to this also teach that parents are the only thinking, responsible agent behind the conception process.  If this is true, it follows that we are the only ones who can and therefore should or must exercise control in conception.   

Therefore we have the right to decide we will stop this process of getting pregnant.

Now it’s time to meet “philosophy B”.  This concept is different.  Really different. So different, in fact, that those in the philosophy A camp cannot fathom why philosophy B people believe what they do - except for one thing - they know it has something to do with the Bible and God.

But what is in the Bible that runs contrary to the random probability theory held so much of our society?  Maybe you yourself believe that your own existence began solely at a change uniting of a couple of cells.  Then please read on... Let look at some important Biblical passages that talks about conception:

Old Testament Examples:

Eve:

We begin our study of beginnings near the beginning of the book of beginnings - Genesis, chapter four. Verse one provides the perfect starting point, as it records the first birth of a human being.  Lets see how new mom Eve answers the question, “Where do babies come from?”  When Cain is born she testifies, “I have gotten a manchild with the help of the Lord.”

Baby Heidi-Mari

Eve, who had enjoyed a first-person relationship with God, speaks not as a lettered theologian but as a practicing mother.  She fully realizes that God has been necessary for the birth of her son and that Cain’s arrival did not happen without His intervention.

Hagar:

In Genesis 16 we find the angel of the Lord counseling Hagar, Abraham’s exiled servant-wife.  In verse 10 it reads:  “more-over, the angel of the Lord said to her, ‘I will greatly multiply your descendants so that they shall be too many to count.’ ”

The angel of the Lord, speaking for God, said a very interesting thing.  What he did NOT say is even more interesting.  He did not tell Hagar, “You will have so many descendants that they shall be too many to count.” He specifically said, “I will greatly multiply your descendants.”  God Himself was going to personally multiply these people.

Abraham:

In Genesis 17:20 God promises Abraham, “And I will establish My covenant between Me and you, and I will multiply you exceedingly.”

The wording is again significant.  God did NOT say, “You will multiply exceedingly’ but assumed total responsibility for creating Abraham’s descendants - “I will multiply you exceedingly.”

The next passage is in my opinion profound, since it address ‘the womb’, itself.

Abimelech:

Next stop is also in Genesis: chapter 20. We know well the story of an embarrassed Abraham having to tell king Abimelech that his step-sister was also his wife.  But have you ever dwelt on verse 17 and 18? They read, “And Abraham prayed to God; and God HEALED Abimelech and his wife and his maids, so that they bore children.  For the Lord had closed fast all the wombs of the household of Abimelech because of Sarah, Abraham’s wife.”

Here is a direct statement of God’s control in matters of conception.  The household of Abimelech was suddenly barren - we do know who was the cause and cure of it.

The following passages also dealt with conception:

Rachel and Leah:

Genesis 29:31 through Genesis 30:24 is one of the most amazing Scripture passages concerning God’s causal relationship to conception.  Rather than quote the whole passage, let’s examine it, using the framework of a multi-year football game.  The two teams are known by their start players, Leah and Rachel. 

During the First Quarter the Lord opens Leah’s womb four times. 

After dominating the opening quarter, Leah has no more children, so Rachel takes over on offense in the second quarter.  We must point out a very innovative aspect of this game - both teams have the same quarterback - Jacob! Most unusual.  Well, Rachel’s demand in the huddle is, “Give me children, or else I die.”  Rachel really want to get in the game.  She also thinks that on this team the quarterback calls the plays, but Jacob knows full well it is the Coach who does and responds to her, “Am I in place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”

Now we see an unprecedented move: the first substitution.  Rachel benches herself and sends in Bilhah.  Also Leah sees the fruitfulness of substitution and sends in Zilpah for herself.

In the Third Quarter Leah is back and has three more children.

In the the Fourth and final Quarter Rachel has a real ‘winner’ in Joseph.  The final score is Leah 7, Rachel 2 (the second being Benjamin).

Let’s watch an instant replay of God’s part in the story of Rachel and Leah.  Please study carefully the following references (All from the book of Genesis):

• “He opened her womb.” (29:31)
• He has therefore given me this son also.” (29:33)
• Am I in the place of God, who has withheld children form you?” (30:2)
• “God has vindicated me... and has given me a son.” (30:6)
• “And God gave heed to Leah and she conceived.” (30:17)
• “And God gave heed to her and opened her womb.” (30:22)

These inspired examples show, without a doubt, God’s total control over the events of contraception and birth.  He “opened’ and He “withheld.”  

Baby Josua

But maybe the above examples was only for ‘then’. So let’s look further.

Moses:

The final quote from the Pentateuch comes from the well known blessing/cursing chapter, Deuteronomy 28.  In this passage God tells Israel just how good things will be if they will be obedient and just how horrible life will become if they are not.  Speaking through Moses, in the eleventh verse God says, “And the Lord will make you abound in prosperity, in the offspring of your body.”

The important word of this verse are “the Lord will”.  Is it God who gives offspring?

Ruth:

Let us now look at the beautiful book of Ruth.  Ruth 4:13 clearly states, “So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife, and he went in to her.  And the Lord ENABLED her to conceive, and she gave birth to a son.

So Obed was born, not as a result of a chance fertilization at the proper time of some month, but because and only because God ‘enabled’ it.  By the way, do you think it is both biologically and theologically accurate for each of us to place our own name in the place of “Obed” in the above sentence?  But even more profound: This new son may have looked like any other little bundle of Jewish joy, but he was to be King David’s grandpa!  Who knows what great place in God’s plans a future little one, which He could give to you or us, might play?

Samuel:

The birth of Samuel is yet another illustration of the reality of who is the actual source of ALL people’s lives.  Our interest in the story begins at 1 Samuel 1:6, which says, “Her rival, however, would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb.”

God did not say that Hanna was barren because she had a tipped uterus, blocked Fallopian tubes, endometriosis or irregular periods. 

Although, trust me in this area, there would sure enough be a diagnoses for her barrenness. Because there is a diagnoses don’t exclude God from the picture!!

The Great Physician proclaims quite matter-of-factly His diagnoses of the cause of the barrenness. He had closed her womb; i.e., He was not giving conception.

But after a visit with Eli the outlook improves tremendously!  In 1 Samuel 1:19 we read, “And Elkanah had relations with Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her.  And it came about in due time, after Hanna had conceived, that she gave birth to a son.”

What do we learn from this?  Simply that Elkanah and Hannah had Samuel because God Himself accomplished it, according to His will.  But we are not finished with the story!  

We know that Samuel was given to the Lord by Hanna, who had wanted a child so desperately.  We also know that God rewards His people for giving Him their most treasured possessions.  So what was God’s reward to Hannah for “returning” Samuel? 1 Samuel 2:20-21 tells us, “Then Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife and say, ‘May the Lord give you children from this woman in place of the one she dedicated to the Lord.’ And they went to their own home.  And the Lord visited Hannah; and she conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters.”

The text does not indicate Hannah’s response, but do you think she was disappointed?  Here we see a case in which God gave five children and thought it a reward!  Ask yourself, how would you feel if God rewarded you with five? A lot of work? Certainly.  A lot of blessing? We know it is - once you learn how to capitalize on it!

Baby Danika

Or would you rather use worldly methods and stop the possibility of having five?

David:

Some of you are sitting out there anticipating our next passage Psalm 139. There could not be a more amazing section of Scripture than this which chronicles so wonderfully the Divine beginning of each of our lives.  In verses 13 - 16 David says:

For Thou didst form my inward parts;

Thou didst weave me in my mother’s womb.

I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Thy works,

And my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from Thee,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth.

Thine eyes have seem my unformed substance;

And in Thy book they were all written

The days that were ordained for me,

When as yet there was not one of them.

Putting aside for the moment the question of whether babies-in-the-abstract come from God, think about where YOU in-the-concrete come from.  Psalm 139 tells you that you are not a statistical product, but were begun - ‘formed,’ ‘woven,’ ‘wrought’.  Even the number of days you are given on the earth from conception to decomposition has been specifically chosen by God.  None of us is an ‘accident’!

Psalm 100:

The teaching of the Old Testament may be summarized by saying that children are not simply the result of a s*xual intercourse and conception, but it denies that conception is inevitable, or that parents possess the power to make it happen.  In fact, Psalm 100:3 states the matter with crystal clarity: “It is He who had made us, and not we ourselves.”

Saying that we parents do not possess the ability to ensure conception is actually one of the understatements of all time!

All these Scriptural examples prove that God controls the process of fertilization; that you and I are NOT products of probability, but of His ability.  Gad has ordained the specific starting point of every life ever lived, including any future children He might give us or you. 

Baby Andrew

Yet, what about the New Testament? Was this only for the Old Testament?

Elizabeth:

Now it’s barren Elizabeth’s turn to be blessed.  In Luke 1:24-25 it is written, “And after these days Elizabeth his wife became pregnant; and she kept herself in seclusion for five months, saying, ‘This is the way the Lord has dealt with me in the days, when He looked with favor upon me, to take away my disgrace among men.’ “

There was no question in Elizabeth’s mind as to who should get the credit for her great joy.  God had ‘looked with favor’ on her and created John.

Luke, A doctor’s diagnosis:

Dr. Luke submits the medical report for Elizabeth in Chapter 1 verse 58: “And her neighbors and her relatives heard that the Lord had displayed His great mercy toward her; and they were rejoicing with her.”

Luke, for all his medical training and experience, had a far more scientifically accurate concept of origins than most of today’s scientists and doctors, for he understood perfectly that Joh’s life was a direct result of God’s “display of great mercy toward her.”

Hebrews:

The author of the Epistle to the Hebrews held to the same view.  In chapter 6 verse 14 he quotes Genesis 22:17 saying, “I will surely bless you, and I will surely multiply you.”  And in chapter 11 verse 11 he holds up Sarah’s faith in God as the Giver of children to encourage our faith: “By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of live, since she considered Him faithful who had promised.”

It is a joyous fact that God opens and closes the womb! He alone decides when and if anyone will have any (more) children!  

Baby David

To come back to my opening statement regarding couples’ belief that choosing to have no more children and being conformed to the world in this area of their lives, actually doesn’t matter to God so much, since He is not involved in conception:  

According to the above evidence, God is very much involved!  To say the least, He has total control!

Baby Daniel

God is THE ONE who open and close the womb, with a purpose, in due time, to fulfill His Devine plan on this earth!

He is trustworthy with your medical condition, as well as your financial circumstances to surrender your womb!

Are you a Bible-Believing-Christian?

Who do you believe is in control of conception?  

Are children only the result of a  s*xual act and the probability of a sperm meeting an egg or does God open and close the womb?

You decide... and then act on it.

Baby Michael

This article does not address the issues surrounding infertility, rather the issue of interfering with your natural fertility. If you are struggling with the deep emotional and spiritual issues of infertility, you may already be intimately familiar with the roll God plays in conception and pregnancy. For reasons we may never understand in this life, God, in his unfailing wisdom, may have decided that you are not to have a baby of your own. Although this is very painful, I encourage you to look beyond the barrenness, into the loving eyes of Jesus, who is infinitely bigger than our biggest and deepest pain.

With love

Linnie